Constellations have nothing to do with the star constellations. The word is a translation from the German ‘Aufstellungen’, which literally means placements. You place your (family- or work- or other-) system using participants as representatives on a dedicated space in the room and one for you as well. That way you get to see your inner picture of the (family- or work- or other-) situation from an outside point of view, which in itself is very revealing. The representatives then report how they feel in that position and might also feel they would like to move somewhere else. During the process a new picture evolves, and it becomes clear which dynamics are driving the system. Heartbreaks or emotional trauma can be addressed and entanglements can be resolved. Every resolved entanglement causes a huge sense of relief within the system and the ‘audience’ (as a watching participant you will feel the same sense of relief). The final, hopefully resolved, new situation is the picture that can be taken in and embodied by the person who’s issue was looked at. You will leave your constellation with a sense of fundamental change, because your attitude will have changed and you will have been able to get a bigger picture. As a representative only, you may take away an equal sense of new understanding and attitude, which will change your life profoundly and sustainable, too. Any questions: Please ask!ou
Ed Ferrigan, Author of 100+ Ways to Get Back on The Horse, describes it very well and easily understandable in this YouTube video.
In more detail:
In a family constellation you place your inner picture of your family in a defined space by using representatives. You say which issue has brought you. It can be an actual issue, a decision that is difficult to take, a conflict within your relationship or with your children, or something that’s been accompanying you for a life time and that sucks valuable life energy. In this first conversation it usually shows very clearly what the theme is here and now. Then a decision is being made whether your family of origin or your current family or any other system you’re part of is being placed.
Now you find representatives for your family amongst the participants, who you place without thinking, in the defined space. Do the persons stand near, maybe too near to one another? Do they look into different directions, alas are turning away from each other? Do they all look at one point or onto the floor? Who stands next to whom?
Now a phenomenon becomes visible, which astounds people again and again and deeply impresses them: As soon as the representatives are in their roles, each of them becomes part of this system. The representatives “take on” the feelings of the persons they are representing. It shows that there are connections, which at this point we can only explain partly. In physics the term “Morphogenetic Field” exists. Us constellation facilitators speak of the “Knowing Field”; and it seems that we all are connected on levels which we still don’t know very well. Anyway, in constellations it shows again and again that the representatives in their roles feel equally like the persons they are standing for. That is often expressed in words, which sometimes are used in the exact same way. (Of course, it might be sayings which are common and nothing special, but sometimes are so specific that we can’t talk of coincidence anymore.)
What is the aim of family constellations?
The aspired aim of a family constellation is that every family member finds the place in the system, in which it feels fine, so that at the end of the constellation everybody feels well. (If this isn’t achieved in some rare cases, something in the soul of the person concerned is initiated, so that what has been made visible and sent on its way will work to the better within the family.) On the way to solution usually some more or less important intermediate steps are necessary to take. On one hand it depends on what the representatives feel like, on the other hand the order plays an important role. Bert Hellinger calls it the “Orders of Love”. It means that, in the system, who was here first has priority and needs to be regarded as prior. In this order children come after their parents and are allowed to be small and to take from their parents; the parents are the givers. This sounds like a matter of course, but still it is so, that, when parents can’t cope with their duty because of their own bad fortune, the children can’t help but support their parents and – in extreme cases – take on the parent’s role. Children will fill this vacuum out of deep love towards their parents and in order to be able to survive. This pattern usually sticks with them all their lives. It can lead to dependency from their parents in a childishly loving way, so that they are not free for their own life, their own relationship and family. Or they might turn away from their parents with bitterness and are connected to them in an unhealthy way through this anger.
A second important point are the members of the family, which have been excluded from the system; maybe because they’ve done something bad, or they died early, or they had a difficult destiny. They are being excluded, because remembering them seems to be too hard to bear. But it shows again and again that a family can not abide this. There is something like a “family soul”, which makes sure that no family member is forgotten or excluded. Often a follower acts like the forgotten/excluded member of the family. He or she follows them by behaving like them and will cause difficulties as long as it takes for somebody to become alert, to look at it and to see the missing person and give them back their place in the system with appreciation.
What is so important about this form of rehabilitation?
The important thing is the attitude during the work: All this, all the behaviour happens out of deep attachment-love, which does everything in order to keep affiliation with the system family, and to change things for the better.
Finally this is about finding the point at which love was disconnected. This is the point, at which energy bundles noticeably in a constellation. It is always moving how much love is hiding behind apparent hardness, to feel the sigh of relief within the room when a disrupted family comes together again, when separated partners finally respect each other and then go their separate ways, knowing that they stay parents to their common children forever.
Basically, what also happens during family constellations is that life transitions are being recognised through little rituals; and not lived-through grief and failed farewells are being caught up. When we appreciate and value what the situation is like, development processes and self-healing powers are being initiated, energy is set free, which was bound, and we become free for our own lives.
Why is this method becoming so popular?
In a family constellation it is clearly appreciated that we are not as free and disengaged as we imagine in these times of individualisation and singling. Here it is shown in a healthy way how important some orders and bonds are. When declined bonds are being recognised again and seemingly unconquerable conflicts dissolve, then something in our soul can be healed. This will help our children find peace and our families become a source of strength and love. Only then we are really free for our own lives. What we can solve doesn’t need to be carried by our children.
Systemic constellations are helpful in all questions concerning human cooperation, vocational themes, teams, companies and institutions.
Last but not least, it’s hard to describe a constellation. One should experience the impact on oneself; be it their own constellation or somebody else’s, acting as representative. As a representative one can dive deeply into the spirit of this work and make valuable experiences.
Silvia Siret was born in 1966, is married and mother of two grown up children. She is skilled in systemic family constellation work, client centred counselling and energy healing. She offers healing sessions and systemic work with constellations, one-to-one or in group workshops. Her seminars take place in a family like atmosphere under personal companionship. She understands her work as a fulfilling one, which again and again challenges her to provide the most possible attentiveness, humbleness and love.