Wu Wei Wisdom

david james leesI wish I could have captured the atmosphere last night, when ordained Taoist Master David James Lees spoke to The Oxford YES Group. For me it was the second time to listen to him and receive jewels of wisdom, and – just like last time – I was mesmerised by the power of his words, the way he brings it across and his leadership. Yes, if you weren’t there, you did miss something very, very special. But because you’re here and you’re reading this, I’m going to give you the essence of his talk. Because I believe we should all listen to him and be reminded of the beautiful souls that we are, each one of us 7 Billion individuals on this planet.

He calls his message ‘wu wei wisdom’; and he speaks about yin and yang, as well as – and most importantly – the line between the two, which is the ‘Wu Wei’ – the path of balancing yin and yang within us.

I really hope I’m getting this right 😉

Anyway – So, here are some good tips for your well-being and mental hygiene:

First of all: Drop your shoulders!

Yes. That’s what he told us last night, and the whole room adjusted itself – haha! Drop your shoulders and …. RELAX! Take the tension out of your body, balance your head effortlessly on your neck! And then remind yourself that you are spirit. Spirit that has a physical experience. Everyone has their own journey. Our essence is spirit (‘Shen’ is the Taoist word for ‘Spirit’ or ‘Higher Self’). Spirit could also be translated with Love. We are Love, we came from Love and we’ll go back to Love.

And then there are those sensations in us that we call feelings. You say you ‘feel tired’, you ‘feel anxious’, you ‘feel let down’ etc. David teaches us to avoid the ‘f’ word and replace it with “choose to be”, “I think I am…”. Otherwise you identify with the feeling instead of taking responsibility for your responses to challenges. If you say to yourself “I feel tired”, you are enforcing this state of being, and if you say this all the time, you are creating this reality by reaffirming it constantly. Instead you could say “I choose to be tired”. Somehow the energy of this changes now, and you take responsibility for your response to whatever is happening.

Basically, David suggests to only have 2 states of being: “Green” or “Red”. Does it feel good (green) or not good (red). If you experience ‘Red’, you can now sit with this sensation and ask yourself ‘why’. Go deeper and deeper by always asking ‘why’, until you get to the root of the issue, which is the point in time when you first experienced this sensation (trauma). Find the belief behind the pain/feeling. When you’ve arrived at this point, offer yourself at least 3 choices on how to deal with it. It’s like being your own loving parent guiding you through this process. Once you have chosen how you would like to perceive what happened, you have freed yourself from its grip and can move on. While going through this process, confront the mind lovingly.

The things we tell ourselves all the time – “I’m not good enough”, “I can’t cope”, “I don’t deserve”. Would you tell these things to your child? Basically, if you wouldn’t tell your child, don’t tell them to yourself!

You are disconnected? You can’t be disconnected! You are the source, you are Love! You are weak? How can you be weak? How can the source be weak?

And one last jewel:

Please! Please, love yourself! Yes! You ARE loveable! How? How can you not be loveable? You ARE Love.

Don’t let the mind tell you any different! The mind has only one job: To keep you safe. It’s doing a brilliant job at that. It’s keeping you in your comfort zone. It is spirit (which is what we really are) that expands, grows, is adventurous, creates magic.

Yes, sometimes we get ourselves into a state in which we can’t be our own caring, loving parent. Just know that then you can be gently supported by someone else.

David James Lees – Thank you! Thank you for reminding me that I am worth it, capable, loveable, and that I will always be able to cope.

Please! Come! Back!

If you want more, please go to www.davidjameslees.com There is lots more available for us to learn.

Leap of faith

Talk on 19th January 2016 at the Oxford YES Group meeting

Chris Walton sadly had to cancel last minute due to being taken to hospital. So my good friend Richard texted me and asked me if I was happy to give a talk. I had 2 hours! And I said ‘YES’. I did it without much preparation, trusting I was able to speak from the heart and connect with the audience, also knowing that I am competent in Mindfulness and Family (Systemic) Constellations. I had a fantastic experience of being in my power and received very positive feedback. Feeling grateful and blessed to have such a wonderful friend, community and lovely audience.

I talked about Mindfulness (some how-to’s below) and I facilitated a Family Constellation with a courageous volunteer, who wanted to have a closer/deeper look into an issue of hers. What we witnessed was very touching and moving, and I know that this has helped the lady see what the underlying issue was, as well as a possible solution. We did not have time to go all the way, but she got some valuable insight into her situation. It struck me how the audience engaged in the process, fully committed to support the ‘issue holder’.

So, here are some reminders to get through your day more mindfully and therefore be 100% available at all times:

  • When you open your eyes in the morning, think a positive thought, e.g. what you are grateful for in your life and tell yourself that this day will be a good one because you decide so. Get up in a different way you normally do.
  • When you wash, brush your teeth and do your hair, drink your tea/coffee, eat your breakfast, make everything a sensual experience, using smell, taste, touch, vision and hearing. Stay in the moment and push away any thoughts that are distracting; usually thoughts of the past or the future.
  • On your way to work, take another route, if possible and/or drive more slowly and attentively, give way to pedestrians, cyclists and drivers now and then. Smile at people, look at them. Maybe even say something like “what a lovely day!” to someone. Arrive at work with a smile, infect others with your positivity.
  • At work, allow yourself to breathe consciously at first and then several times during the day. Take breaks! Speak to colleagues! Avoid gossiping at any cost. Engage fully with your job, break it down to small steps rather than getting overwhelmed with the work load.
  • When you take your lunch break (which you definitely should do), either engage with other colleagues (have fun) or walk and find a spot that gives you tranquillity to recharge your batteries. Breaks are not there to engage your eyes and brain even more by looking into your emails/FB etc. They are for you to relax!
  • When you’re back home, take care of yourself. Make sure you’re aware how you are and what you need. Ask for things/help/support/chat/quality time!
  • The most important thing in order to be aware of your own and others’ needs is to be fully available. Mindfulness helps to balance your life in all aspects.

I facilitate a weekly group in Abingdon. You can join here: Abingdon-Meditation-and-Mindfulness-Meetup

Facilitation of a Constellation

Facilitation of a Constellation

Family Constellations are a way of uncovering and changing dynamics that are not helpful, either in your family or at work/in relationships. In a constellation old family trauma can be carefully addressed and healed, in order that more love flows freely through the family system and opens up freedom for your life. It’s about cutting strings that are holding you back and getting greater awareness and understanding of why things are the way they are.

In my ‘Growth Space’ I once monthly facilitate small constellations (amongst other techniques) in order to find out how it works as well as to address issues and find solutions. This space is also creating community, support and friendship. You can sign up here: The Growth Space

My Oxford YES Group talk and Demonstration

Talking to my friend and business coach Joanna Byrne yesterday over a lovely cup of tea at Rosie’s Tea Room, I had to realise that I haven’t reflected on this very exciting and moving experience in my life, that happened a few weeks ago. She said “It’s never too late!”, which convinced me I could still tell you all about it.

Weeks and days before the Oxford Yes Group talk, I was unexpectedly calm and wondered about that, thinking “I should be nervous”. Now I think, I pushed my feelings away, even the thought about it. The nervousness came full-on on the morning of the day I should give my talk and had the roller-coaster feeling in my tummy all day and most of the evening. I hadn’t prepared myself at all, as I had given a talk before and I knew I could do it – somehow. I hate preparing a talk. I’ve done it last time, and in the end my notes were really just in the way. I prefer to talk from my experience and my heart.

When I arrived, I felt a warm welcome from the Oxford YES Group members. I had my daughter and my friend with me, which made me feel safer. At first only a few people entered the space, but closer to the beginning of the event, the room was nearly full – my heart was bouncing with joy and excitement. I was also pleased to see my friend Jo Woodcock from Fe-line Women, who has been a great supporter through the past years and really is the person who helped me push myself to speaking publicly and gave me the first opportunity to do this at one of her great Word of Mouth events.

Even though I was nervous and not very well prepared at all, I think I did a fairly good job at explaining the work by starting on my personal experience as a child and youngster (although I should have told them why I was talking about that part of my life – I saw some puzzled faces). I went on bringing light into constellation work and how it relates to my own experience as a young person and how it helped me healing my issues and becoming the captain of my boat. It was great that questions were asked in order to clarify things. This made me aware of the difficulty of explaining constellation work, as it is very experiential and intuitive stuff.

The audience seemed really engaged and interested, and they didn’t run away screeming when the break started, even though I threatened to offer a demonstration of a constellation for the 2nd part of my presentation.

For the demonstration the room was kindly changed by the YES crew, the chairs were put into a big circle. When everybody was back on their seats, I guided them all into a very short grounding meditation in order to get them into a collected, supportive state of being. I then asked for a volunteer, and soon somebody raised their hand. That was indeed very exciting, as I had not expected that anyone would come forward to do such deep and intimate work in front of so many ‘strangers’.

And then something happened that is still bringing a smile to my face: A family constellation formed that was giving such deep insight and turned out to be so powerful that all our minds were blown away. I received amazing feedback and made lovely connections as a result, and I think that the person who did their constellation on that evening, got a great deal out of it. I would love to go into more detail, but of course this is sensitive stuff and what happened will always stay only with the people involved. But I would like to say that I was truly touched and moved by the sincere, supportive involvement of all participants and the fantastic Oxford YES team. I’d also like to mention that my daughter, who for the first time saw me perform in the role of the facilitator and speaker was amazed by both my professionalism and the power of constellation work. She observed it all and gave me such valuable feedback, also on the way I could improve my talk. She felt really proud of her mum, which makes my heart swell and pour over with love and gratitude.

I feel, my talk and demonstration were a huge success, and I can’t wait to give further presentations of this unique, powerful, fantastic work called Systemic Constellations (or Family Constellations).

Bless all Beings x*X*x