change of direction

Judgements
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Judgements

But really, it is an illusion that others can’t see your worth. Someone who shows you disrespect probably does see who you are. But how you are triggers something in them; a cell memory; something in their shadow; something they cannot love and accept in themselves. There is an internalised voice in them that judges you. But that voice is a voice from their past. Someone who was hurt. You or your behaviour triggers a memory; feels like a threat to them. They most probably have no sensible explanation for their dislike of you.

Those ghosts from the past may also live within you. And you might think their judgements about you are your own. Only when you realise that your identity was constructed by lots of other people’s identities, you will see that you are not the one who thinks. It is not you who judges you. You are awareness witnessing those thoughts, and you choose to believe them. That is identification – another building block to your ego.
So, really, it’s not worth believing any of what is going through your mind. It’s always enough just to witness it.
You are the creator of your ego. You can decide at any moment who you choose to be in this big play called humanity.
When you find yourself putting you down, ask yourself, is it serving me and others, or is it serving only me, or is it serving only them. Only if your thoughts are serving the whole, you are serving Love.

ihatemyself #donthateyourself #awarenessiseverything #TheTRANSFORMProcessTM

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Nowhere Land

It’s not long ago that I changed my work patterns to three full days a week, instead 5 half days, mornings. But it didn’t work out. The intention had been to concentrate on my therapeutic career on Thursdays and Fridays. Not only did that lead to my department having to cope without my presence on those days, but I did not really feel I was doing more in terms of therapeutic work and networking. I felt rather lonesome and lost, but most of all: useless. It was not all bad, as I used those days to meet friends I could normally not easily meet and other things. But basically, it didn’t work. I found it very difficult to be in my admin job whole days. Anyway – from 25th Nov I’ll go back to 5 half days, mornings, with 2 additional hours weekly, which I got when I changed to 3 full days. It was good to give it a go, and it brought me a little more income, as well as awareness of where I want to go.

I’ve also been applying for full-time jobs in admin, because I felt I needed more income, and because I thought I could make better use of my people skills and have them earn money for me, rather than keeping trying to earn more with my therapy. There is this training called “Springboard” at the University of Oxford, which is only for women. It made me realise that I might be up a blind alley thinking my therapeutic work will pay the bills soon. The situation is: We’re struggling, my husband and I, financially. I’m not able to support my 1st daughter enough, financially, although, legally I’m obligated to give her six times as much as I do now, which gives me a constant sense of owing her.

Anyway – I am not successful with my applications. What’s going on?

Handing in my applications, I also put a request in with the Universe to not give me a full-time job, if it wants me to keep having time for my therapeutic work. So, I should not be taking this personally (the rejections), but I should be grateful for the hint.

So, basically, what I’m trying to say, is that I’m trying to find the right path, doing this and that to figure it all out. I feel like being in Nowhere Land, or floating in open space, not knowing which direction to take.

When I wrote the title of this post, I realised, that No-where Land could also be read as Now-here Land.  That actually amazes me. I immediately felt more positive about being in that place. Both might be the same anyway. It just means I’m here now but not quite sure where. It is sometimes really difficult to stay in that place and hold still. The universe might just be preparing everything for me to move on.

Last weekend my husband and I put a conscious request to the Universe, asking for financial abundance. We did this in a group workshop in a lovely ritual in the woods, using a home made talisman with ingredients from the forest, burning it in the fire and sending it off into the sky, wishing it well.

So, watch this space, people. Energy follows intention. I might be ‘ending up’ quitting my admin job altogether and being really busy supporting others to find their place on this beautiful planet (and being paid for my work).

Bless all beings.