A Flower Amongst Flowers

I did it again … I gave another talk. This was number 5. And – again – I loved it.

dasiesI have just recently become a member of the Healerzone (www.healerzone.com) and feel very excited about it, as now I feel I have found my place as a flower amongst flowers. There is an Oxfordshire branch, and I went to my first meeting in Banbury on 12th September, facilitated by the lovely and very supportive Sarah Sienkiewicz (Business Coach).
Without even thinking, I had put my name forward as a speaker and, even though I was very nervous and anxious, I was looking forward to the challenge. I had only given 4 talks so far and didn’t feel very confident at all, yet. Tina Wells (Tai Chi Chih Teacher) was so kind to give Vicky Rainbow (Singer, Nia Dance Teacher), Lottie Moore (Coach, Firewalk Teacher, Sweatlodge Keeper) and myself – the South Oxfordshire girls – a lift to Banbury. What a nice girly journey that was there and back 🙂 I felt more at ease already when we arrived.

We were welcomed very warmly by Sarah and the other ladies. The venue was a fitness centre – a bright room with a kitchen attached – very nice and friendly indeed. We sat in a circle, exchanged thoughts and experience and had lots of time to introduce ourselves as well as ask for anything we needed in terms of support. That was heart-warming. Such amazing, gifted women in the circle – wow!

Then it was my turn – I had only half an hour to introduce myself, tell a bit of my story and explain Systemic Constellations (https://silviasiret.com/what-are-systemic-constellations/); not really possible, I thought. But what shall I say, … I did it. And it felt amazing. I spoke without concept, just from my heart. I’ve taken another courageous step forward and the response and feedback was absolutely wonderful and positive. The group felt drawn to this therapeutic approach and wants to do a whole session with me. I feel THRILLED and soooo motivated.

You have no idea how much I needed this boost. I was about to find another boring admin job and surrender to fear instead of faith. It was not only that I gave a great talk, but I was also hearing what all the other healers and service providers had to say and to offer. What a great bunch! I feel so at home there and know that I will be supported all the way, but I also know that I have a great gift and will be able to help everyone who asks for it.
I also learned that giving workshop spaces away for free is unnecessary.

And g
uess what:  Thanks to my friend Lottie Moore, I’m taking part in a 30 day video challenge. In a closed, safe Facebook Group (Light It Up) I am submitting a video of myself to my sub-group every day for 30 days. Wow – that is so empowering! If you think you should do this too, you can still enroll here: http://www.facebook.com/groups/lightitupvideochallenge  – I’m happy to help.

So here I go, all fluffed up, encouraged, motivated and full of beans. Yesterday I’ve signed up for a Weekend Workshop in London with the amazing Stephan Hausner, who facilitates constellations for people with illness (his book: ‘Even if it costs me my life’). I know I will learn so much from him; so, this is an investment in my growth. The week before I’ll be in Zagreb, Croatia, for an international gathering of systemic constellators, an amazing opportunity to get to know other practitioners and their individual approaches; but also gives me the feeling of being part of a huge community – I am now one of THEM.

But before all this I’ll give a workshop on parenting this Friday (https://www.meetup.com/Systemic-Constellations-Oxford/) and then I’ll go on holiday to Cornwall for 2 weeks with my Beloved. I’ve never been, and I can’t wait to see its beauty.

Wishing you all the boost you need to get/keep going. Here and happy to help and give emotional support. You do need to let your community know if you are looking for support, though; don’t expect them to mind-read 😉

With love and a gratefulherz-rosagrun-gif

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Wu Wei Wisdom

david james leesI wish I could have captured the atmosphere last night, when ordained Taoist Master David James Lees spoke to The Oxford YES Group. For me it was the second time to listen to him and receive jewels of wisdom, and – just like last time – I was mesmerised by the power of his words, the way he brings it across and his leadership. Yes, if you weren’t there, you did miss something very, very special. But because you’re here and you’re reading this, I’m going to give you the essence of his talk. Because I believe we should all listen to him and be reminded of the beautiful souls that we are, each one of us 7 Billion individuals on this planet.

He calls his message ‘wu wei wisdom’; and he speaks about yin and yang, as well as – and most importantly – the line between the two, which is the ‘Wu Wei’ – the path of balancing yin and yang within us.

I really hope I’m getting this right 😉

Anyway – So, here are some good tips for your well-being and mental hygiene:

First of all: Drop your shoulders!

Yes. That’s what he told us last night, and the whole room adjusted itself – haha! Drop your shoulders and …. RELAX! Take the tension out of your body, balance your head effortlessly on your neck! And then remind yourself that you are spirit. Spirit that has a physical experience. Everyone has their own journey. Our essence is spirit (‘Shen’ is the Taoist word for ‘Spirit’ or ‘Higher Self’). Spirit could also be translated with Love. We are Love, we came from Love and we’ll go back to Love.

And then there are those sensations in us that we call feelings. You say you ‘feel tired’, you ‘feel anxious’, you ‘feel let down’ etc. David teaches us to avoid the ‘f’ word and replace it with “choose to be”, “I think I am…”. Otherwise you identify with the feeling instead of taking responsibility for your responses to challenges. If you say to yourself “I feel tired”, you are enforcing this state of being, and if you say this all the time, you are creating this reality by reaffirming it constantly. Instead you could say “I choose to be tired”. Somehow the energy of this changes now, and you take responsibility for your response to whatever is happening.

Basically, David suggests to only have 2 states of being: “Green” or “Red”. Does it feel good (green) or not good (red). If you experience ‘Red’, you can now sit with this sensation and ask yourself ‘why’. Go deeper and deeper by always asking ‘why’, until you get to the root of the issue, which is the point in time when you first experienced this sensation (trauma). Find the belief behind the pain/feeling. When you’ve arrived at this point, offer yourself at least 3 choices on how to deal with it. It’s like being your own loving parent guiding you through this process. Once you have chosen how you would like to perceive what happened, you have freed yourself from its grip and can move on. While going through this process, confront the mind lovingly.

The things we tell ourselves all the time – “I’m not good enough”, “I can’t cope”, “I don’t deserve”. Would you tell these things to your child? Basically, if you wouldn’t tell your child, don’t tell them to yourself!

You are disconnected? You can’t be disconnected! You are the source, you are Love! You are weak? How can you be weak? How can the source be weak?

And one last jewel:

Please! Please, love yourself! Yes! You ARE loveable! How? How can you not be loveable? You ARE Love.

Don’t let the mind tell you any different! The mind has only one job: To keep you safe. It’s doing a brilliant job at that. It’s keeping you in your comfort zone. It is spirit (which is what we really are) that expands, grows, is adventurous, creates magic.

Yes, sometimes we get ourselves into a state in which we can’t be our own caring, loving parent. Just know that then you can be gently supported by someone else.

David James Lees – Thank you! Thank you for reminding me that I am worth it, capable, loveable, and that I will always be able to cope.

Please! Come! Back!

If you want more, please go to www.davidjameslees.com There is lots more available for us to learn.

Letting go

It is one month ago that my second daughter flew the nest. It is only now that I can write about my emotions around letting her go. The process started a good year before, when I had a strong sense of having to let her take her own decisions and not being the first person she would go to when she wanted to share something, happy or sad. I could feel how she was maturing into an adult. At that time I was attending a psychodrama group with the wonderful Philip Halmarack, so I took the opportunity and worked on letting go of my daughter. It was very painful, but also insightful and transforming. I realised how very important it was to set her free and that I actually wanted her to move on and live her own life. When it came to the day one month ago, it was still painful, although also joyful, because I am so happy for her, moving in with her boyfriend, whom I really love. She received my full blessing and she knows I’m always here if she needs me.

She has left a big hole in my life. I miss her presence, even though we hadn’t had much time together anymore. I miss her hugs, the chats with her, the fun we had at the dinner table, I miss her coming home from work and sharing her day.

What am I filling this hole with?

At first, I just felt sad and sorry for myself and therefore filled this hole with negative emotions. Then I felt trapped (left) with my husband and the dogs and was quite vile at times, feeling I had no sense of duty anymore. Having a great support network, I worked through those phases quite quickly, though. Slowly but surely I stopped ‘pestering’ my daughter with texts and chats. Instead, I now consciously focus my attention on the things I have to do or I always wanted to do, e.g. writing another post on this blog. I am filling that hole with new projects: Our new house, which we move in soon; new ideas for workshops and how to use our ‘Magic Room’ – a nice little workshop space – in the new home.

I want to find dog sharers, so my husband and I can go away at weekends to explore new things together.

One door closes, another 10 open.

On Mother’s Day I received such a lovely card from my second-born: She appreciated that I struggled to relax into the new situation and she said she would never let go of me and that I’d done a good job, being a mother. Quote: “Well – Look at me!” 🙂

I am very proud of her, being so independent and grown up at the young age of 18 and experiencing a great love that has huge potential. I have my share in her being able to be happy. That I am proud of, too (tapping my own shoulder).

She has been a shining light in my life, and somehow I know she always will be. It’s wonderful to have a close and loving relationship like that. I never had that myself, although I feel it has changed over the years. My relationship with my mother is now so much better than when I was young.

I want to mention my first-born daughter here, too. I had to let her go when she was only 5 years old. At the time, I wouldn’t feel the real pain, I simply couldn’t. I was only ready to feel it when I worked on it a year ago in another psychodrama session, which brought up the relation to letting go of my second-born. Before that I never felt complete; and I experienced a lot of sadness, but never allowed myself to feel the real trauma the early separation caused. It takes a good supportive network to carry one through such re-lived traumatic experience, and I am so grateful that it was there and I was ready. Having her back in my life is a great blessing.

I like the song line from Sting, which says: “If you love somebody, set them free!” That’s what love is all about. But, like everything in this life on Earth, it’s a process, it can’t be done just like that. It involves grieving. Without mourning, there is no letting go.

Right now, I’m going through the process of letting go of my old life. I feel like growing. Sometimes I feel the growing pains, but I know that it is only temporary, and that I will come out the other side like a butterfly; and I will spread my wings…

…and – finally – fly.

Bless you all!