Whilst I agree with the statement above, I believe that, as adults, we still hold a form of inner relationship with family members, whether we like it or not. In my experience it is helpful to work on those uncomfortable relationships, because the negativity or abuse that came from them towards us will have been internalised during the years we had endured it. Until we have made peace with them within us, we will be triggered by the people who act like those family members. We’ll simply meet them or find them represented in other people we meet and have relationships with. So, yes, turning away or not interacting with those family members who continually agonise us is probably advisable, but we still need to address our internal family system in order to find peace. For that to happen we need to get to a deeper understanding, and that usually happens when we allow ourselves to see a bigger picture. Both my parents were completely unable to regulate their own nervous systems and therefore snapped every time I stretched their patience. It did not take much to be severely punished. It still doesn’t. Through Family Constellations and other healing work I saw how they grew up, their difficult childhoods, their traumatised parents, the hardship they had to survive, I came to understand where they are coming from, and I find it much easier to be in relation with them. I just continually and consciously decide to be with them in a way they can handle. And inside of me, through all the healing I’ve done, I have been holding them with love and respect, despite their failings. That has given me so much more peace. Meeting negative behaviour or abuse from others I can handle so much better, knowing, we all have a history that made us who we are. And besides, I have in some respects failed my children too.
If you are looking for healing your inner relationship with family members, I suggest to get in touch with me for a free 20-minute chat during which we can figure out if I can help.
The Universe works in mysterious ways, doesn’t it. At the beginning of last year I thought I would never make a living from Family Constellations and Life Coaching.
At this point in time (October 2022),
I find myself invited to two cities, Petersfield and Cambridge, to hold workshops there;
and I have a running and growing, one-to-one, local, and online clinic.
I have also started to offer systemic supervision.
For seventeen years I have been offering my systemic work to the Oxfordshire community; and since Covid-19 also to an international community of like-minded self-healers. Have I made a living from my work? The simple answer is ‘no’. I have always made just about enough money to not give up. Whenever I felt like giving up, another door opened, and I kept going. I am so glad I did. There has always been a bunch of people in my life who one-hundred percent believed in me and cheered me on when I was about to give up: My husband, my children, a couple of close friends, a couple of colleagues, and most clients I worked with. Thank You All! I am not in it for the money (although, of course I need to create a balance of giving and receiving); I am in it for making a difference.
I deserve this.
Since 1992 I have been actively working on my self development; which makes it 30 years. It all started with the realisation that I was in an abusive relationship and had to get out. My daughter was eight months old. My first contact with therapy was with a counsellor whom I saw for a few months. Goodness, he was good. I came out of that with a way forward and a first idea of how brain-washed I was. Losing my parental rights when my first-born was only seven years old, and not seeing her anymore, pushed me into the next step of active self-development. I had a ‘rebalancing’ session with a body therapist. For the first time ever I got a sense of my body holding trauma and wisdom. The therapist suggested I should attend a workshop called ‘Initiative‘ with Klaus Frey, ‘neue wege seminare‘, Germany. I had no idea what that was going to bring, but I was desperate. I had just had a most amazing body work session, and I needed something to help me get out of this hell. I signed up, took part, and I have never looked back. In essence, I learned this:
To consciously recognize my own limiting behavioural patterns;
to free myself from conditioning such as thought structures, habits, fears and stress;
to overcome the comfort zone;
to be attentive and mindful in dealing with myself and others;
to develop new perspectives,
to create the extraordinary;
and to live a life based on love and mutual respect.
Klaus gave me the parental guidance I had lacked. To this day I still always make sure I apply all I learned with him. He gave me not only the basics of how to be a leader, but also how to love myself and hold myself responsible for my thoughts, beliefs, and actions.
I feel I have made it. The feedback I receive is humbling. Several clients have cheered me on to never stop, and they keep coming back for more. This feels amazing.
Recently I sent out a call for video testimonials to people who have worked with me. Those heroes have done a lovely job. I know how self conscious I am when I create a video of myself. So, a million kudos to you guys, and THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!
Here, you can listen to a testimonial by my friend Amanda Tracey (Sacred Space holder, Ceremony/Circle Facilitator, Magick Maker and Guardian of Gaia), which she recorded for me in September 2022:
Testimonial by Amanda Tracey, Founder and Director of “Goddess Liberation”
Thank you, Soul Sista! There are more testimonials across my website.
There is also a lovely video out there now, in which I am being interviewed by Carole Douillot (Executive and Career Coach), where I answer many questions about the workshops I offer:
I am answering Carole Douillot’s questions about my workshop
If you feel drawn to work with me, may it be online or in person, one to one or in a group setting, please feel free to get in touch via my contact page. I shall be happy to have a non-committal, informal chat with you in order for us both to feel into the possibility to work together.
Silvia Siret - Family Constellations Life Coach 
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