self-esteem

by

Goddess Liberation

Hi all,

it’s day four of me being bald, and I’ve had some time to catch up with my heart. Because I’ve had a horrible cold, I’ve been home most of the time, not doing much at all. This has given me the time and space to feel into the new me. I’ve been looking into the mirror a lot. It’s always strange. Never seen me like this before. I’ve had very short hair twice before, in my early and in my late twenties. I remember on both occasions having this same feeling, like wanting to let go, making a new start. But I’ve never been bald. This one was radical. During the last days my scalp felt odd – very sand-paperish – not a nice feeling at all. Today it’s feeling a little nicer, a bit like dry moss on an old rock. When I now look into the mirror I feel good, really good, about myself. Not only did I achieve to raise over £2,000 and quite a bit awareness for A Band of Brothers in only 21 days, but I also received so much kindness, so many wonderful messages, and my husband has been looking at me in awe for the last 4 days (sho shweet). Wonderful. I did it for me. I needed to let go of the beautiful hair when it looked its best. Seems bonkers, I know. But I am on a self-healing path; finding my growth edges and  shedding layers is what I do. It is very important to me that I walk my talk, that I’m an integral, authentic person. As someone who supports people to let go of old patterns and habits I need to lead the way first and be an example. Right?

Today I was asked twice if I wanted my long hair back. And twice I replied, “I don’t think so, I like myself more like this. It is more me.” The long hair was pleasing others more, in hindsight. To be quite honest with you, long hair felt like a pain to me. The washing, the conditioning, the combing, the hair in my face (urgh – hate that feeling), especially when walking outside with the wind blowing, also the pony tales (not very flattering and giving me headaches), and not being able to wear a hat when having a pony tale. Annoying. All that just to look feminine? Nope. I think I’m done with it. I am feminine. It’s not my looks that make me feminine. It will be interesting to experience how my new look will change people’s perception of me. I think they will see me better. The hair was kind of in the way between me and others; like a barrier.

Anyway – I’m a happy girl. And besides – this whole hype was in order to raise awareness for ABoB. I am so proud that I have done something for them. Because of them my husband is a lot happier in himself, has male support; has more access to his needs and emotions; is able to talk feelings with me and his ‘brothers’; has created deep, long-lasting friendships with some of them; and last but not least he has become an even more amazing partner to me. After 2 years with them he is now ready to mentor younger men and will soon attend another ABoB quest weekend. I am so very proud of him and blessed to love and be loved by him.

All I want with every fibre of myself is to motivate and encourage others to also be bold, courageous, brave. I do believe that if you don’t play you won’t win. Yes, it can back-fire sometimes. But without giving it a go you’ll never know. I certainly have landed on my bottom a few times in my life, but I far more often felt like winning the jack pot. Do make sure, though, that you have created a support network around you first. It’s important to be held by your community of like-minded people. It can feel very lonely if you do a courageous act and have no one to cheer you on, back you up and hold you during the transformation.

bald, bold, brave, courageous, Silvia Siret, OxISC, change, positive change

Silvia, the liberated Goddess

PS: Huge thanks to Amanda Tracey, who did the shaving and holding space for me. She’s my big hero. Her page www.goddessliberation.com is worth checking out. Lots of great events on offer for women.

by

I’ve done it – I’ve gone bald for ABoB

Here is the evidence:

You can still donate here: http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/SilviaSiret

The night before I felt shaky and tearful, realising I’d lose my beautiful hair. I was visualising my looks and how people would stare at me, but I was also starting to grieve the loss of my hair. My husband soothed me and kept telling me how great I was going to look and feel. My sleep was full of dreams of hair shaving and things going wrong. But in the morning I felt calm and ready. Ben Cole, who is producing a film about A Band of Brothers, had interviewed me the night before, and he was filming me while the hair came off – that was all exciting. A few friends and family came to the event, which was so comforting and encouraging. Amanda Tracey (www.goddessliberation.com) did the shaving and the head mandala for me. The whole process took over an hour.

Here is the video about the mandala:

Later I gave another interview to Ben, and we wrapped it all up. I’ve been receiving a lot of support in every way, and I feel so grateful for it all. The day was so beautiful.

Today, the day after, I’ve unfortunately got a cold, but I do feel liberated and at ease with my baldness. I look odd, yes, the bald patch feels cold all the time, and the mandala is gone now, and where my hair was is now a white patch; but I’m happy I’ve done it. My hair has grown just under 1 mm already, and it feels quite rough, going over it with my hand. The strangest thing about it is that when I touch my head, it feels like I’m touching someone else’s. Very weird.

My husband has been the most amazing friend and companion to me. He even got his head shaved two days before me, just to show his support. Isn’t that sweet?

I am now looking forward to talking more about A Band of Brothers, and raising more awareness and money for them.  But I also look forward to having some hair back and starting the hair growth journey again. It’s strange when people stare at me, I’m getting all self-conscious, but I respond with a big smile and remember that it’s still me. I guess this chapter is not over, I’ll have to get through awkward situations and funny short hair in order to get to a point where I like it again. Maybe I’ll actually keep it short. It has its benefits.

My last year has been all about letting go, releasing and finding my true self as well as raising money and awareness for ABoB. It’s self healing, and it’s not easy. I’m shedding a lot of tears; but I also feel more and more whole. It is such a blessing to have my husband by my side, but also the full support of the rest of my family. My children and bonus children have been nothing but supportive and cheered me on. Fantastic! My close friends have also been amazing. It’s so important to have a support network. Without you guys I couldn’t have done this.

Thank you!

by

My work

Hello – long time no see 😉

Last Monday I expected four participants at my taster session. One came. But never mind, I was grateful for the one – and therefore I offered her a free constellation session with me, which would normally cost £65. She was happy to work with me. The session went really well, and I felt both grateful and humble for receiving such trust and openness as well as the willingness to really address an issue. Today, I received such a lovely feedback, that I thought I’d share it with you (why not):

“Silvia holds a space that is warm and welcoming, and her work, about which she is clearly so passionate, digs deep into the heart of our histories, karma, and conditioning. She deals in perspectives, windows into ourselves, into our past, into the scars handed down from our forebears, windows that allow us to find clarity and experience catharsis beneath her compassionate guidance. Intuitive, gentle, and so very welcoming, I can recommend her work for anyone seeking to better understand their unconscious self, and take trans-formative steps towards personal freedom and empowerment. I left the session feeling lighter, a little wiser, and hugely appreciative of this lovely woman!”

Thank you for that! Thank you, thank you!

I know I am passionate about my work, and I know that this is where home is. But it is still so very lovely to get such feedback. I am truly touched!

Anyway – maybe that will encourage you Oxfordshire and Wiltshire (and all other) people to come to my Systemic Constellations Workshop on Saturday 22nd September (10am-5pm). All details on my ‘workshops‘ page.

So, that’s what I wanted to share with you today. Oh, and – I’m going to be on the ‘panel’ of next Fe-line Women’s “Word of Mouth”, which will be about “To blog or not to blog“. I am certainly not a great example of blogging, but I do believe it’s a good thing, and I (and a few other lovely ladies) will tell you why, when we see each other on the 25th September at 7:30 pm at the Pub “Port Mahon” in Oxford (Details: http://fe-line.co.uk/events/to-blog-or-not-to-blog/).

Hope you can make it, Women of Oxford!

Bless you all xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

by

New attitude

I have been working on my self-image during the past three months. Not only have I been seeing my mentor (Martin Honeywell, Oxford) once a month and started a 6-month health coaching, but also have I painfully felt my lack of self-value, sat in meditation with those feelings, spoken about it with other people, reflected on it during workshops and done a constellation on wealth/money (which, amongst other things, brought up the issue about self value). I have been finding myself thinking negativ thoughts about my self and correcting them but also getting to the bottom of them, and I’ve been asking for feedback and cuddles/hugs from others to nurture my self. I’ve been looking into the mirror, trying to focus on the beautiful details of me reflecting from the mirror, and I have smiled a lot, especially when I didn’t feel like it.

The most rewarding and enriching thing I did, though, was to carry the positive me into my outside world – to my family, friends, colleagues, to my social networks, like the Fe-line Women’s network in Oxford, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. What I have been receiving from this new way of feeling and presenting my self, goes beyond what I expected.

I am far away from not thinking negative thoughts, but I am more and more aware of them and correcting them, which has enhanced the quality of my life immensly. I am a better parent, partner, colleague and friend, and I have a much better relationship with myself.

Letting praise in and positive feedback is still a challenge for me, I find myself questioning it (“why is she/are they saying it – what do they want in return, are they just being nice?”). But I am getting better at it. The more I appreciate my self, the more I am being appreciated by the outside world – and able to let it in. And that applies to everything I am giving.

The world that I see is my mirror, it’s the mirror of my thoughts and beliefs about my self and the world.

I’ve also been listening to the Audiobook “The Power” by Rhonda Byrne (following her book ‘The Secret‘). I am recommending it to all people who truly feel they want to change. This book can change you (if you let it) – it’s like a positive mantra or affirmation to become the person you really are and that you deserve to be.

Another key to feeling really good – especially on a rainy or for other reasons rather unhappy day – is to stop and think about the good things you have in your life and feel immensly grateful for them. It’s truly uplifting.

Love to my self and the Universe!

by

Self esteem

I saw my mentor today. He felt slightly irritated about me feeling great every time I’m seeing him, and his view of me was that of a very busy woman being all over the place and at the same time appearing quite calm all the time. He must have sensed something else, something going on underneath that self-confident woman, especially when it came to the topic ‘money’. Building up my business means I have to apply a value to my work. I have always had an issue with money – I can’t remember feeling rich or well off, ever, or being able to receive money without feeling guilty. I always had this view of myself being a poor church mouse, and that this might possibly never change. I always think of myself not being able to ask for real money for my service. Am I worth it? Am I allowing myself to be successful, wealthy, better of than my parents, am I allowed to fail if I ask for real money? Today, being confronted with those questions, I suddenly became that – maybe – 13 year-old girl again, that was constantly being told she wasn’t good enough, had to change, had to do better, was inappropriate, wouldn’t achieve anything in life etc. I felt tearful, small, but also touched by this young spirited girl, who just did not get the assurance that she needed to become self-confident or build self esteem. I realised that my path was to build that up on my own by creating circumstances, which challenged me and made me reflect and grow. It actually started with my birth, when my mum had to give up and was sedated, and I was pulled out with forceps. My life, if I look back, has been a little like that. I’ve always pushed myself towards becoming a therapist, but I couldn’t do it without being pulled so often. Does it have to remain like that for the rest of my life? My mentor thinks, no. But I need to find that place in me that is able to get me where I want to be, to then fill that vacuum with self-esteem. Am I worth it? Am I valuable? Am I loveable? The only way of feeling worth it, valuable and loveable, is to re-assure myself as often as I can, that I am all that – until I feel it. The aim is to be independent from other people’s judgement about me. Isn’t it?