breaking patterns

Judgements
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Judgements

But really, it is an illusion that others can’t see your worth. Someone who shows you disrespect probably does see who you are. But how you are triggers something in them; a cell memory; something in their shadow; something they cannot love and accept in themselves. There is an internalised voice in them that judges you. But that voice is a voice from their past. Someone who was hurt. You or your behaviour triggers a memory; feels like a threat to them. They most probably have no sensible explanation for their dislike of you.

Those ghosts from the past may also live within you. And you might think their judgements about you are your own. Only when you realise that your identity was constructed by lots of other people’s identities, you will see that you are not the one who thinks. It is not you who judges you. You are awareness witnessing those thoughts, and you choose to believe them. That is identification – another building block to your ego.
So, really, it’s not worth believing any of what is going through your mind. It’s always enough just to witness it.
You are the creator of your ego. You can decide at any moment who you choose to be in this big play called humanity.
When you find yourself putting you down, ask yourself, is it serving me and others, or is it serving only me, or is it serving only them. Only if your thoughts are serving the whole, you are serving Love.

ihatemyself #donthateyourself #awarenessiseverything #TheTRANSFORMProcessTM

Bad relations
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Bad relations

You are not obligated to have relationships with family members who are not good for your mental health.

Whilst I agree with the statement above, I believe that, as adults, we still hold a form of inner relationship with family members, whether we like it or not. In my experience it is helpful to work on those uncomfortable relationships, because the negativity or abuse that came from them towards us will have been internalised during the years we had endured it. Until we have made peace with them within us, we will be triggered by the people who act like those family members. We’ll simply meet them or find them represented in other people we meet and have relationships with. So, yes, turning away or not interacting with those family members who continually agonise us is probably advisable, but we still need to address our internal family system in order to find peace. For that to happen we need to get to a deeper understanding, and that usually happens when we allow ourselves to see a bigger picture.
Both my parents were completely unable to regulate their own nervous systems and therefore snapped every time I stretched their patience. It did not take much to be severely punished. It still doesn’t. Through Family Constellations and other healing work I saw how they grew up, their difficult childhoods, their traumatised parents, the hardship they had to survive, I came to understand where they are coming from, and I find it much easier to be in relation with them. I just continually and consciously decide to be with them in a way they can handle. And inside of me, through all the healing I’ve done, I have been holding them with love and respect, despite their failings. That has given me so much more peace. Meeting negative behaviour or abuse from others I can handle so much better, knowing, we all have a history that made us who we are. And besides, I have in some respects failed my children too.

If you are looking for healing your inner relationship with family members, I suggest to get in touch with me for a free 20-minute chat during which we can figure out if I can help.

#selfdevelopment #familydynamics #FamilyBonds #TheTRANSFORMProcessTM

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Patterns

There is so much advice on Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn, too much to digest it all. But now and then there are posts that really touch me. It’s usually the real life stories that move me, but I don’t find the time to read all those. It’s good to know, though, that other people seem to have similar troubles, and that I am not on my own. It also helps me to read stories about people turning around their lives – very inspiring.

Sometimes, though, it is just that little sentence or statement that turns out to be of great help to me.

Just recently, I found myself thinking those well known negative thoughts again, and I felt I was going in circles instead of moving forward. In my negative state I couldn’t imagine that breaking this pattern was ever possible – I was certainly going down the hill. Then I saw this very simple statement from Louise L Hay on Facebook, which read:

“It is easy to change a thought or a pattern.”

I read it with disbelief and a pinch of disgust, as it felt so untrue. But I know Louise L Hay from troubled days, and I remembered this was just one of her millions of positive affirmations.

This little statement turned it around for me. I decided to write it onto a piece of paper and hang it in my office onto the wall facing me. Now I see it every workday morning and it reminds me that it is my mindset that creates my reality, and that my reality is created in every moment.

Thank you Louise L Hay, for helping me and millions others to keep our minds focussed on positive thinking. I’m glad I ‘liked’ your facebook page, because I enjoy reading your affirmations every day. It might have been you (your books), which helped me turn around my chaotic life, nearly twenty years ago. I am now harvesting so many wonderful fruits like a happy marriage and being a steady, reliable partner and mum.

Life is good!

Bless you all!