systemic constellation

Hellinger’s Approach
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Hellinger’s Approach

Alemka Dauskardt is one of the living ‘disciples’ of the non-guru philosopher, psychotherapist and poet Bert Hellinger. She worked closely with him, learned from and with him and has been working on keeping his legacy alive and developing.

When I’ve felt lost within the wider community of constellation work, it was Alemka who gave me wise direction without saying much. One poignant piece of advice she gave me years ago at an ISCA conference in Croatia was, “Silvia, you can stop working so hard”. I received it with tears of relief and gratefulness, although it took me a long while to understand the fullness of what she said. Her words have been with me since; and whenever I’ve been finding myself stressed about my career as a Family Constellations Facilitator, I knew I had to just stop and breathe. When I work hard and want to force it, the Field contracts. When I accept what is and bring my playful, creative energy into it, the Field expands. The emerging future is always just a breath away, and the Field is guiding me. All I can do is be still, be here, now, at all times and hold my intention gently with humility. The intention being, I bring the phenomenological approach according to Bert Hellinger into the world. And that I have been doing in my own, small, individual way, for the last 16+ years. I have lately been feeling much more in the flow of Life, and I find myself accepting of what is. My last workshop left me full of Love and gratefulness, with a sense of having arrived in my own unique light.

Alemka Dauskardt, Max Dauskardt, Family Constellations according to Hellinger
Alemka and Max Dauskardt, 27 Feb 2016

I think Alemka’s latest post [below] is beautifully written, although it is so very difficult to put into words what Hellinger represented, and she did it – again – so eloquently.

I am grateful for her clear guidance. I do want to mention her husband Max as well, as I hold him equally dear in my heart. They’re an amazing team in their mission and a lovely couple.

Please read the following article if you would like to understand which journey I’ve been [and keep being] on: The beautiful ‘Family Constellations according to Hellinger’ journey. Hellinger touched my Soul and still does so, whenever I take time to read his texts. What an inspiration, a true healer he was and still is; a Living Legend.

Read Alemka’s Article here

My next physical meeting with Family Systems Constellations is:

Saturday 6 November, 10am – 10:30pm, Headington, Oxford, UK

My booking page is this: https://OxISC.eventbrite.co.uk

Find Love Within
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Find Love Within

The title for my upcoming workshop in Abingdon-on-Thames (UK) at Soul Shine Wellbeing Space on 11th September 2021 is “Find Love Within“. It came to me in meditation, and at the time I imagined it to be a brilliant headline that would draw people in. To me it was clear that the lack of Love is what divides us, keeps us distant and lonely, or segregated. I’ve got one person signed up at this point, which means people are not quite understanding what this is about. Therefore I thought I’d write a little about what to expect from the day.

The questions we will explore are as follows:

  • How do we recognise Love?
  • What lies in the way of our path to Love?
  • Are we happy to give?
  • When do we lose ourselves in Love?
  • Are we allowed to claim Love?
  • Can we expect Love?

With regard to Love we’re always at the beginning, and we never know everything.

Silvia Siret

The day will be structured in this way:

  • 09:45 – 10:00 – Meet and greet with a cuppa and a biscuit
  • 10:00 – 10:30 – Sit in circle, introductions, sharing
  • 10:30 – 11:30 – Dialogue about above questions
  • 11:30 – 13:00 – We’ll look into a participant’s love issue
  • 13:00 – 14:00 – Lunch Break
  • 14:00 – 17:00 – More sharing, dialogue, and we’ll look into other participants’ love issues

The tools I’m using are

  • Guided meditation / mindfulness exercises
  • Dialogue according to Bohm
  • Systemic Constellation Work (Family Constellations)
  • Coaching

I’ve been facilitating group workshops since 2006 and am known to hold safe spaces.

These kinds of group experiences always create a sense of awe, bonding, support and hope, as well as the understanding that we all have things in common. Whenever we explore into someone’s issue together, it feels like a huge gift to the rest of us, as we learn so much from each other.

Please, do put your questions into the comments below; others might be interested, too. Alternatively, contact me via my contact tab (see menu).

More info and booking, click here: Eventbrite

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My first Vlog – “Constellations”

My brief explanation of the word “Constellations” and how it works

There will be more … I will explain in more detail how it works and how it can help. So, watch this space.

Namaste.

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I belong

I would like to share with you how my way of working has transformedimg-20161029-wa0001

  • with observing other constellators
  • through receiving challenging feedback
  • by becoming a peer
  • and by becoming a member of the International Society of Systemic Constellations (ISCA).

When I came to the U.K. in the beginning of 2005, my intention was to become a full-time therapist. It took me 10 years to fulfil this dream and am now in my second year of self employment. In August 2015 I handed in my notice and dedicated my time fully to growing this business that is called “Silvia Siret – Clarity Coach”.  Around May 2015 I was invited to join a systemic constellators’ peer group in Oxfordshire my social networking had finally paid off. When I first met the others and saw them working, I was in awe of the variety of styles and competence that was in the room, I also felt very warmly welcome and accepted. This was a totally new experience for me, as I had never been part of a group of constellators before. It took me 3 or 4 meetings (that’s about half a year) before I dared to facilitate a constellation for a peer, and, boy was I nervous, but I did well. During the next few meetings I became more courageous and after facilitating one in July 2016 I had fully earned the respect of my fellow constellating friends. That felt so amazing – finally being part of a  professional community; and my loneliness in the constellations world had come to an end. As numbers were going down, we decided to end the peer group; and from then some of the eyes were on me to create a new group (more about that later).

What I also had started looking into is the “Intention Method”, a new branch of constellation-like facilitated work that was developed by Professor Franz Ruppert. I did this with the lovely Alexandra Smith (peer group member, UK), who offers regular workshops and teaches a great deal about trauma as well. I find this work interesting – a different approach, but using similar ‘tools’, and equally intuitive and individual as its facilitators. I haven’t quite worked out the fundamental difference between constellations and intention method. But I’m sure I will at one point, as I’m planning to learn more from Alex.

2015-05-24-14-55-53Through the peer group I found out about Yishai Gaster (Israel), whose workshop I attended in London. He demonstrated how to work with “Chaos” and “Deep History”, but I also got huge insight into working one-to-one with floor markers. On that weekend I met the lovely Anu Azrael (London) and Ivana Markovic (London).

2016-02-27-14-28-09-20Soon after Ivana invited me to a workshop weekend with Max and Alemka Dauskardt (Croatia) and I was witnessing those two amazing souls at work. This, by the way, was the weekend I found out about ISCA (of which Max is one of the board members) and became a member very soon after. I went to their International Gathering in Zagreb, Croatia, in September 2016. Again – a very warm welcome from about 60 to 80 fellow constellators over 5 days of workshops and meetings. 000img_6173I was one of them. That feeling … that I finally belonged, that was filling my whole being with excitement, warmth and comfort. I had the opportunity to observe internationally well known facilitators, like Cecilio Fernandez Regojo (Portu2016-10-26-12-06-10gal), Leslie Nipps (California), William L. Mannle (Connecticut), Anngwyn St Just (Arizona) and Marianne Franke-Gricksch (Germany). I can’t even put into words how much I learned from them and a few other fabulous people over those fantastic days in Zagreb. I made new connections, and I stayed in touch with some of them. Wonderful!

Just a weekend after I watched the fantastic Stephan Hausner (Germany, “Even if it costs me my Life”) in London, where I learned so much again and decided that he is a great role model (he works with people who present with physical or mental illness). I’ll attend another workshop with him in March this year, which I’m really looking forward to.

I had been facilitating workshops and one-to-one sessions between 2005 and 2015, during which I still mainly worked in Admin. But I had lacked learning from others than my early teacher, and work was not going well enough to support me financially. A client here, a workshop there, never enough feedback to really reflect. Now, with this new energy and sense of belonging, I started to attract a few regular clients and began to offer 1-day workshops fortnightly.

Since, I’ve been reflecting on 2 challenging feedbacks that I have received over the last 6 months. It’s hard to be challenged, but it’s also hugely rewarding as I really listened and put things into perspective. Both had one criticism in common: that I assumed something and didn’t check in with them and led their constellations in the direction I felt was right. As a constellations facilitator I work with my intuition; so, there is no measure that affirms why I should go this or another way. Only through constant rapport between me and the issue holder can I be sure to properly serve them. In the early days, when I learned the technique, I was very directive, and I followed my own ideas and looked more to what was emerging from ‘the field’. Now this has fundamentally changed, and I listen very closely to my clients and let them lead their own constellations. I do offer interventions and elements from Psychodrama and Gestalt, but only when I feel that the client (issue holder) is stuck in an unhelpful pattern or thinking process, or if they remember a trauma and get fearful and anxious.

Last but not least, during the last 1.5 years I’ve done so much constellation work, either actively or passively, that I feel I’ve gained more experience during this time period than in the hole 10 years before, which is just what I needed to kick-start me into the next venture: OxISC (The Oxford Initiative for Systemic Constellations), which I founded in order to bring together peers again and to offer developmental workshops for facilitators.

The first event under OxISC’s wing will be a 2 day workshop for facilitators with Anngwyn St Just on Trauma & Constellations on 1st and 2nd July this year. I’m very excited about her agreeing to teach us her wisdom and technique. So, these days I’m busy setting up the OxISC website and organising this event.

The feedback after my last workshop (19th Feb 2017) shows how much I have transformed (at least to me it does – haha), so here comes the shameless self-promotional bit:

“Silvia is very natural and supports the space with strength and safety. She has wonderful intuition and instinctively and seamlessly moves the issue holder through their process, whilst ensuring they always act and move forward from their own place. As an issue holder I gained incredible insight into what lies behind my issue and I am able now to address this and move forward with my life. I wholeheartedly recommend Silvia if you want to understand a difficult situation better and find a way of resolving or gaining a different , more helpful, empowering perspective.” (Linda, Nursery Nurse)

“What a wonderful experience! Didn’t know what to expect, but it was an amazing day. Full of Emotion, realisation, empathy, in such a supporting and warm atmosphere. My fellow ‘issue holders’ were so supportive in channelling their roles as we played out each issue. I feel exhausted but cleansed and ready to go. Thank you, Silvia!” (Donna)

“I’d like to thank Silvia for holding this workshop. I felt so supported and Silvia created a safe space so I could express myself fully. It’s difficult to put into words exactly what my experience was like; this is such profound work, so it’s something I recommend trying out for yourself. If you’re looking for a deeper understanding of yourself and your life, a divine connection with others and seeing your life or an issue from another perspective, then this workshop is for you!! I would highly recommend working with Silvia, she is a beautiful soul, caring, understanding, non-judgemental and humble. I feel huge shifts already happening within me from today and I can already feel the healing process taking place.” (Amanda, Reiki Practitioner and Artist)

This is beautiful feedback, and I do feel proud to have become this Facilitator who people trust and who is starting to make a name for herself.

I belong.

Namaste.

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An Interview With Albrecht Mahr, International Family Constellations Teacher

Rubin Alaie posted this video on his Facebook Timeline (when you click the link below, the video starts playing):

https://www.facebook.com/plugins/video.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Finstituut.UNLP%2Fvideos%2Fvb.169228563184269%2F1171588252948290%2F%3Ftype%3D3&show_text=0&width=560

The original was posted here: https://www.facebook.com/instituut.UNLP/

Albrecht Mahr explains this approach, his experience with Family Constellations, the history and the development. He is one of the leading teachers in the Constellations World. It’s just over half an hour long and very interesting.

Blessings,
Silvia

 

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Leap of faith

Talk on 19th January 2016 at the Oxford YES Group meeting

Chris Walton sadly had to cancel last minute due to being taken to hospital. So my good friend Richard texted me and asked me if I was happy to give a talk. I had 2 hours! And I said ‘YES’. I did it without much preparation, trusting I was able to speak from the heart and connect with the audience, also knowing that I am competent in Mindfulness and Family (Systemic) Constellations. I had a fantastic experience of being in my power and received very positive feedback. Feeling grateful and blessed to have such a wonderful friend, community and lovely audience.

I talked about Mindfulness (some how-to’s below) and I facilitated a Family Constellation with a courageous volunteer, who wanted to have a closer/deeper look into an issue of hers. What we witnessed was very touching and moving, and I know that this has helped the lady see what the underlying issue was, as well as a possible solution. We did not have time to go all the way, but she got some valuable insight into her situation. It struck me how the audience engaged in the process, fully committed to support the ‘issue holder’.

So, here are some reminders to get through your day more mindfully and therefore be 100% available at all times:

  • When you open your eyes in the morning, think a positive thought, e.g. what you are grateful for in your life and tell yourself that this day will be a good one because you decide so. Get up in a different way you normally do.
  • When you wash, brush your teeth and do your hair, drink your tea/coffee, eat your breakfast, make everything a sensual experience, using smell, taste, touch, vision and hearing. Stay in the moment and push away any thoughts that are distracting; usually thoughts of the past or the future.
  • On your way to work, take another route, if possible and/or drive more slowly and attentively, give way to pedestrians, cyclists and drivers now and then. Smile at people, look at them. Maybe even say something like “what a lovely day!” to someone. Arrive at work with a smile, infect others with your positivity.
  • At work, allow yourself to breathe consciously at first and then several times during the day. Take breaks! Speak to colleagues! Avoid gossiping at any cost. Engage fully with your job, break it down to small steps rather than getting overwhelmed with the work load.
  • When you take your lunch break (which you definitely should do), either engage with other colleagues (have fun) or walk and find a spot that gives you tranquillity to recharge your batteries. Breaks are not there to engage your eyes and brain even more by looking into your emails/FB etc. They are for you to relax!
  • When you’re back home, take care of yourself. Make sure you’re aware how you are and what you need. Ask for things/help/support/chat/quality time!
  • The most important thing in order to be aware of your own and others’ needs is to be fully available. Mindfulness helps to balance your life in all aspects.

I facilitate a weekly group in Abingdon. You can join here: Abingdon-Meditation-and-Mindfulness-Meetup

Facilitation of a Constellation

Facilitation of a Constellation

Family Constellations are a way of uncovering and changing dynamics that are not helpful, either in your family or at work/in relationships. In a constellation old family trauma can be carefully addressed and healed, in order that more love flows freely through the family system and opens up freedom for your life. It’s about cutting strings that are holding you back and getting greater awareness and understanding of why things are the way they are.

In my ‘Growth Space’ I once monthly facilitate small constellations (amongst other techniques) in order to find out how it works as well as to address issues and find solutions. This space is also creating community, support and friendship. You can sign up here: The Growth Space

Who is Silvia Siret?
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Who is Silvia Siret?

I am Silvia and I offer clarity coaching, free talks on Emotional Well-being and Moving away from Pain and facilitate Systemic Constellation Workshops, as well giving as guidance and hosting sessions on Mindfulness and Meditation.

I was born in 1966 as the first of two children in Germany. I am a happy and content individual today with harmonious family, friend and business relationships. That was not always so. Here’s a little bit of my history:

Childhood

My mother was quite young when she had me: 20 years old only. My only sibling, a brother, was born two years after me.

My mum is a dominant character and my father could suddenly be quite threatening and, being nagged enough, even become violent. I grew up with a lot of tension within my family and generally felt pressed into a mould. Often, I was not allowed to be myself and certainly missed being appreciated and loved unconditionally (I know I’m not an exception). Fear of punishment drove me to being a ‘good girl’ most of the time. I was often beaten and not allowed my own opinion. It was not all horrible, though. All in all, it was probably a good childhood. There were times when I was my mother’s best friend and we had a good laugh together, and I always loved my parents and brother to bits (and still do).

My outward relationship with my dad was ruled by my mum. She would always try to pull me onto her side in a conflict situation and tell me things about him that I didn’t want to know. If I took sides with my dad she would become hysterical. I always tried to be a mediator but not sure I ever succeeded.

I am a very sensitive, emotional and empathic, touchy-feely kind of person, which is all my parents and brother are not (on the outside). At the same time I have a strong will and am quite passionate, which got me into trouble loads of times.

Breaking free from childhood

From the age of 16 – becoming an opinionated teenager with some more guts – my relationship with my mother became more and more difficult. I wanted to break free as soon as I possibly could, which is why I finished school after what was called O-levels in the UK (or GCSEs these days), in order to learn a profession and be able to support myself. At that age I started smoking and missing college and surrounded myself with the more naughty kind of youngsters.

First love

At 19 I passionately fell in love and shortly after left home to live in my first own appartment. I was in an apprenticeship as a legal secretary. My relationship with my mum relaxed a bit but ever so often we would clash and I would storm out and have no contact for a while.

Trauma / meeting father of 1st child

At 21 my first big love finished with me, and my world totally crashed. I lost every self confidence and started dating men. Very quickly I moved in with a man, but moved out after only half a year. Shortly after I fell for a man who later would become my worst enemy. I remember seeing all the signs right from the first date, but I closed my eyes to them. I just wanted to be loved.

1st daughter / separation from parents / re-connection with parents / separation from father of 1st child

At 24 I had a daughter with this man (we did not get married). At the time I had no contact with my parents, the father of my child wouldn’t allow it. My parents got to know their first grandchild when it was 8 months old. I re-connected with them after having had some counselling. When my first child was 1.5 years old its father reported me as a neglecting mother, which made me pack my bags and my child and move back in with my parents, who at that point owned a house with enough room for us.

Back at home, the old family patterns kicked in, and it was hell for me. After a very short time I found an appartment – and another relationship – both advertised in the same paper. I moved into that apartment for only half a year before I moved in with the new partner, being pregnant again.

First marriage, 2nd child

At 27 we married and had my second daughter, and for a little while I thought everything was good.

At 29, though, I separated from the father of my second child and in the same year let my first child move in with its dad. My self-confidence was non-existant at that point, and I did the only right thing: I went to a GP and had myself transfered to a mother-and-child psychological residential resort for three weeks (we call it ‘cure’ in Germany).

Self development

I think that was the beginning of reflection and self development for me, and – maybe for the first time in my life – I felt nourished, accepted, respected, cared for and listened to.

Shortly after that I got to know a body worker, who suggested to attend a self development seminar with Klaus Frey (New Ways Seminars, Baden-Baden, Germany, see: www.neuewege.de). After that first seminar, called ‘Initiative’, I quite quickly attended the second, which is called ‘Charisma’ and the third, called ‘Excellence’. Klaus Frey became my guide – I guess I saw a father figure in him. I started then a 1.5 year training called ‘Leadership and personal competence’ and became his assistant in the next training.

Separation from my first daughter

When my first daughter was nearly 8, she decided she didn’t want any contact with me anymore, and I eventually – under pressure – voluntarily gave up custody for her. She was brain-washed from an early age on by her father. She was not allowed to love me. I was the enemy.

Second marriage / separation / another new start

Around that time, at 32 I got to know my second husband through an online dating page and moved in with him quite quickly. We separated when I was about 36, and I moved into an apartment with my second daughter. At that point I had learnt a lot about myself, who I was and who I wanted to be, and I was becoming a therapist alongside working in admin.

Training

During my training with Klaus Frey, I also trained with Regina Heckert, a tantra teacher and family constellation work facilitator, and with Joergen Moerck from Denmark, who tought me my special and unique body work, called ‘BE – The healing continuum of nature’, which derived from ‘Body Harmony‘ (founder: Don McFarland).

My life-changing visit to England

In 2013, when I was 37, I visited my old English friend, whom I got to know in Germany when our children went to Kindergarten together (that was in 1994). At the time, she was spending a lot of time with her brother, as they were both single and had three children each. We were introduced, fell in love; and a year later, in February 2005, I moved in with him in a village in Oxfordshire.

I came here as a Life Coach, wanting to establish Family Constellation Work in Oxfordshire. But life circumstances didn’t allow me to start this venture before late 2010.

I worked as an administrator, administrative assistant and PA, sourcing co-ordinator, sales-assistant and receptionist. Alongside my working in admin, I trained as a counsellor at the Oxford & Cherwell Valley College (OCVC).

Re-connection with my first child

In 2005 I re-connected with my daughter, fortunately she was ready to talk to me again – she was nearing 15. Since, we have re-established a strong bond between us, although she still has problems to let me be close to her. She studies at University in Germany.

3rd marriage / new life

In August 2008 I married my wonderful English man. I finally broke the pattern of being with a partner for only up to three years.

I now help individuals and couples to reach their highest potential.

I was attuned to Reiki, Level 2, in 2014.

I am now also a trained co-counsellor with CCI (Co-Counselling International) and am doing my counselling diploma.

My vision is supporting young people at a school or college as a school counsellor.

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My Oxford YES Group talk and Demonstration

Talking to my friend and business coach Joanna Byrne yesterday over a lovely cup of tea at Rosie’s Tea Room, I had to realise that I haven’t reflected on this very exciting and moving experience in my life, that happened a few weeks ago. She said “It’s never too late!”, which convinced me I could still tell you all about it.

Weeks and days before the Oxford Yes Group talk, I was unexpectedly calm and wondered about that, thinking “I should be nervous”. Now I think, I pushed my feelings away, even the thought about it. The nervousness came full-on on the morning of the day I should give my talk and had the roller-coaster feeling in my tummy all day and most of the evening. I hadn’t prepared myself at all, as I had given a talk before and I knew I could do it – somehow. I hate preparing a talk. I’ve done it last time, and in the end my notes were really just in the way. I prefer to talk from my experience and my heart.

When I arrived, I felt a warm welcome from the Oxford YES Group members. I had my daughter and my friend with me, which made me feel safer. At first only a few people entered the space, but closer to the beginning of the event, the room was nearly full – my heart was bouncing with joy and excitement. I was also pleased to see my friend Jo Woodcock from Fe-line Women, who has been a great supporter through the past years and really is the person who helped me push myself to speaking publicly and gave me the first opportunity to do this at one of her great Word of Mouth events.

Even though I was nervous and not very well prepared at all, I think I did a fairly good job at explaining the work by starting on my personal experience as a child and youngster (although I should have told them why I was talking about that part of my life – I saw some puzzled faces). I went on bringing light into constellation work and how it relates to my own experience as a young person and how it helped me healing my issues and becoming the captain of my boat. It was great that questions were asked in order to clarify things. This made me aware of the difficulty of explaining constellation work, as it is very experiential and intuitive stuff.

The audience seemed really engaged and interested, and they didn’t run away screeming when the break started, even though I threatened to offer a demonstration of a constellation for the 2nd part of my presentation.

For the demonstration the room was kindly changed by the YES crew, the chairs were put into a big circle. When everybody was back on their seats, I guided them all into a very short grounding meditation in order to get them into a collected, supportive state of being. I then asked for a volunteer, and soon somebody raised their hand. That was indeed very exciting, as I had not expected that anyone would come forward to do such deep and intimate work in front of so many ‘strangers’.

And then something happened that is still bringing a smile to my face: A family constellation formed that was giving such deep insight and turned out to be so powerful that all our minds were blown away. I received amazing feedback and made lovely connections as a result, and I think that the person who did their constellation on that evening, got a great deal out of it. I would love to go into more detail, but of course this is sensitive stuff and what happened will always stay only with the people involved. But I would like to say that I was truly touched and moved by the sincere, supportive involvement of all participants and the fantastic Oxford YES team. I’d also like to mention that my daughter, who for the first time saw me perform in the role of the facilitator and speaker was amazed by both my professionalism and the power of constellation work. She observed it all and gave me such valuable feedback, also on the way I could improve my talk. She felt really proud of her mum, which makes my heart swell and pour over with love and gratitude.

I feel, my talk and demonstration were a huge success, and I can’t wait to give further presentations of this unique, powerful, fantastic work called Systemic Constellations (or Family Constellations).

Bless all Beings x*X*x