Join me on Sunday 20th May in Abingdon Market Square, 12 pm,
or online via this link: http://www.facebook.com/events/430982404030447/
Join me on Sunday 20th May in Abingdon Market Square, 12 pm,
or online via this link: http://www.facebook.com/events/430982404030447/
There will be more … I will explain in more detail how it works and how it can help. So, watch this space.
I would like to share with you how my way of working has transformed
When I came to the U.K. in the beginning of 2005, my intention was to become a full-time therapist. It took me 10 years to fulfil this dream and am now in my second year of self employment. In August 2015 I handed in my notice and dedicated my time fully to growing this business that is called “Silvia Siret – Clarity Coach”. Around May 2015 I was invited to join a systemic constellators’ peer group in Oxfordshire my social networking had finally paid off. When I first met the others and saw them working, I was in awe of the variety of styles and competence that was in the room, I also felt very warmly welcome and accepted. This was a totally new experience for me, as I had never been part of a group of constellators before. It took me 3 or 4 meetings (that’s about half a year) before I dared to facilitate a constellation for a peer, and, boy was I nervous, but I did well. During the next few meetings I became more courageous and after facilitating one in July 2016 I had fully earned the respect of my fellow constellating friends. That felt so amazing – finally being part of a professional community; and my loneliness in the constellations world had come to an end. As numbers were going down, we decided to end the peer group; and from then some of the eyes were on me to create a new group (more about that later).
What I also had started looking into is the “Intention Method”, a new branch of constellation-like facilitated work that was developed by Professor Franz Ruppert. I did this with the lovely Alexandra Smith (peer group member, UK), who offers regular workshops and teaches a great deal about trauma as well. I find this work interesting – a different approach, but using similar ‘tools’, and equally intuitive and individual as its facilitators. I haven’t quite worked out the fundamental difference between constellations and intention method. But I’m sure I will at one point, as I’m planning to learn more from Alex.
Through the peer group I found out about Yishai Gaster (Israel), whose workshop I attended in London. He demonstrated how to work with “Chaos” and “Deep History”, but I also got huge insight into working one-to-one with floor markers. On that weekend I met the lovely Anu Azrael (London) and Ivana Markovic (London).
Soon after Ivana invited me to a workshop weekend with Max and Alemka Dauskardt (Croatia) and I was witnessing those two amazing souls at work. This, by the way, was the weekend I found out about ISCA (of which Max is one of the board members) and became a member very soon after. I went to their International Gathering in Zagreb, Croatia, in September 2016. Again – a very warm welcome from about 60 to 80 fellow constellators over 5 days of workshops and meetings. I was one of them. That feeling … that I finally belonged, that was filling my whole being with excitement, warmth and comfort. I had the opportunity to observe internationally well known facilitators, like Cecilio Fernandez Regojo (Portugal), Leslie Nipps (California), William L. Mannle (Connecticut), Anngwyn St Just (Arizona) and Marianne Franke-Gricksch (Germany). I can’t even put into words how much I learned from them and a few other fabulous people over those fantastic days in Zagreb. I made new connections, and I stayed in touch with some of them. Wonderful!
Just a weekend after I watched the fantastic Stephan Hausner (Germany, “Even if it costs me my Life”) in London, where I learned so much again and decided that he is a great role model (he works with people who present with physical or mental illness). I’ll attend another workshop with him in March this year, which I’m really looking forward to.
I had been facilitating workshops and one-to-one sessions between 2005 and 2015, during which I still mainly worked in Admin. But I had lacked learning from others than my early teacher, and work was not going well enough to support me financially. A client here, a workshop there, never enough feedback to really reflect. Now, with this new energy and sense of belonging, I started to attract a few regular clients and began to offer 1-day workshops fortnightly.
Since, I’ve been reflecting on 2 challenging feedbacks that I have received over the last 6 months. It’s hard to be challenged, but it’s also hugely rewarding as I really listened and put things into perspective. Both had one criticism in common: that I assumed something and didn’t check in with them and led their constellations in the direction I felt was right. As a constellations facilitator I work with my intuition; so, there is no measure that affirms why I should go this or another way. Only through constant rapport between me and the issue holder can I be sure to properly serve them. In the early days, when I learned the technique, I was very directive, and I followed my own ideas and looked more to what was emerging from ‘the field’. Now this has fundamentally changed, and I listen very closely to my clients and let them lead their own constellations. I do offer interventions and elements from Psychodrama and Gestalt, but only when I feel that the client (issue holder) is stuck in an unhelpful pattern or thinking process, or if they remember a trauma and get fearful and anxious.
Last but not least, during the last 1.5 years I’ve done so much constellation work, either actively or passively, that I feel I’ve gained more experience during this time period than in the hole 10 years before, which is just what I needed to kick-start me into the next venture: OxISC (The Oxford Initiative for Systemic Constellations), which I founded in order to bring together peers again and to offer developmental workshops for facilitators.
The first event under OxISC’s wing will be a 2 day workshop for facilitators with Anngwyn St Just on Trauma & Constellations on 1st and 2nd July this year. I’m very excited about her agreeing to teach us her wisdom and technique. So, these days I’m busy setting up the OxISC website and organising this event.
The feedback after my last workshop (19th Feb 2017) shows how much I have transformed (at least to me it does – haha), so here comes the shameless self-promotional bit:
“Silvia is very natural and supports the space with strength and safety. She has wonderful intuition and instinctively and seamlessly moves the issue holder through their process, whilst ensuring they always act and move forward from their own place. As an issue holder I gained incredible insight into what lies behind my issue and I am able now to address this and move forward with my life. I wholeheartedly recommend Silvia if you want to understand a difficult situation better and find a way of resolving or gaining a different , more helpful, empowering perspective.” (Linda, Nursery Nurse)
“What a wonderful experience! Didn’t know what to expect, but it was an amazing day. Full of Emotion, realisation, empathy, in such a supporting and warm atmosphere. My fellow ‘issue holders’ were so supportive in channelling their roles as we played out each issue. I feel exhausted but cleansed and ready to go. Thank you, Silvia!” (Donna)
“I’d like to thank Silvia for holding this workshop. I felt so supported and Silvia created a safe space so I could express myself fully. It’s difficult to put into words exactly what my experience was like; this is such profound work, so it’s something I recommend trying out for yourself. If you’re looking for a deeper understanding of yourself and your life, a divine connection with others and seeing your life or an issue from another perspective, then this workshop is for you!! I would highly recommend working with Silvia, she is a beautiful soul, caring, understanding, non-judgemental and humble. I feel huge shifts already happening within me from today and I can already feel the healing process taking place.” (Amanda, Reiki Practitioner and Artist)
This is beautiful feedback, and I do feel proud to have become this Facilitator who people trust and who is starting to make a name for herself.
Rubin Alaie posted this video on his Facebook Timeline (when you click the link below, the video starts playing):
The original was posted here: https://www.facebook.com/instituut.UNLP/
Albrecht Mahr explains this approach, his experience with Family Constellations, the history and the development. He is one of the leading teachers in the Constellations World. It’s just over half an hour long and very interesting.
I did it again … I gave another talk. This was number 5. And – again – I loved it.
I have just recently become a member of the Healerzone (www.healerzone.com) and feel very excited about it, as now I feel I have found my place as a flower amongst flowers. There is an Oxfordshire branch, and I went to my first meeting in Banbury on 12th September, facilitated by the lovely and very supportive Sarah Sienkiewicz (Business Coach).
Without even thinking, I had put my name forward as a speaker and, even though I was very nervous and anxious, I was looking forward to the challenge. I had only given 4 talks so far and didn’t feel very confident at all, yet. Tina Wells (Tai Chi Chih Teacher) was so kind to give Vicky Rainbow (Singer, Nia Dance Teacher), Lottie Moore (Coach, Firewalk Teacher, Sweatlodge Keeper) and myself – the South Oxfordshire girls – a lift to Banbury. What a nice girly journey that was there and back 🙂 I felt more at ease already when we arrived.
We were welcomed very warmly by Sarah and the other ladies. The venue was a fitness centre – a bright room with a kitchen attached – very nice and friendly indeed. We sat in a circle, exchanged thoughts and experience and had lots of time to introduce ourselves as well as ask for anything we needed in terms of support. That was heart-warming. Such amazing, gifted women in the circle – wow!
Then it was my turn – I had only half an hour to introduce myself, tell a bit of my story and explain Systemic Constellations (https://silviasiret.com/what-are-systemic-constellations/); not really possible, I thought. But what shall I say, … I did it. And it felt amazing. I spoke without concept, just from my heart. I’ve taken another courageous step forward and the response and feedback was absolutely wonderful and positive. The group felt drawn to this therapeutic approach and wants to do a whole session with me. I feel THRILLED and soooo motivated.
You have no idea how much I needed this boost. I was about to find another boring admin job and surrender to fear instead of faith. It was not only that I gave a great talk, but I was also hearing what all the other healers and service providers had to say and to offer. What a great bunch! I feel so at home there and know that I will be supported all the way, but I also know that I have a great gift and will be able to help everyone who asks for it.
I also learned that giving workshop spaces away for free is unnecessary.
uess what: Thanks to my friend Lottie Moore, I’m taking part in a 30 day video challenge. In a closed, safe Facebook Group (Light It Up) I am submitting a video of myself to my sub-group every day for 30 days. Wow – that is so empowering! If you think you should do this too, you can still enroll here: http://www.facebook.com/groups/lightitupvideochallenge – I’m happy to help.
So here I go, all fluffed up, encouraged, motivated and full of beans. Yesterday I’ve signed up for a Weekend Workshop in London with the amazing Stephan Hausner, who facilitates constellations for people with illness (his book: ‘Even if it costs me my life’). I know I will learn so much from him; so, this is an investment in my growth. The week before I’ll be in Zagreb, Croatia, for an international gathering of systemic constellators, an amazing opportunity to get to know other practitioners and their individual approaches; but also gives me the feeling of being part of a huge community – I am now one of THEM.
But before all this I’ll give a workshop on parenting this Friday (https://www.meetup.com/Systemic-Constellations-Oxford/) and then I’ll go on holiday to Cornwall for 2 weeks with my Beloved. I’ve never been, and I can’t wait to see its beauty.
Wishing you all the boost you need to get/keep going. Here and happy to help and give emotional support. You do need to let your community know if you are looking for support, though; don’t expect them to mind-read 😉
With love and a grateful
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I wish I could have captured the atmosphere last night, when ordained Taoist Master David James Lees spoke to The Oxford YES Group. For me it was the second time to listen to him and receive jewels of wisdom, and – just like last time – I was mesmerised by the power of his words, the way he brings it across and his leadership. Yes, if you weren’t there, you did miss something very, very special. But because you’re here and you’re reading this, I’m going to give you the essence of his talk. Because I believe we should all listen to him and be reminded of the beautiful souls that we are, each one of us 7 Billion individuals on this planet.
He calls his message ‘wu wei wisdom’; and he speaks about yin and yang, as well as – and most importantly – the line between the two, which is the ‘Wu Wei’ – the path of balancing yin and yang within us.
I really hope I’m getting this right 😉
Anyway – So, here are some good tips for your well-being and mental hygiene:
First of all: Drop your shoulders!
Yes. That’s what he told us last night, and the whole room adjusted itself – haha! Drop your shoulders and …. RELAX! Take the tension out of your body, balance your head effortlessly on your neck! And then remind yourself that you are spirit. Spirit that has a physical experience. Everyone has their own journey. Our essence is spirit (‘Shen’ is the Taoist word for ‘Spirit’ or ‘Higher Self’). Spirit could also be translated with Love. We are Love, we came from Love and we’ll go back to Love.
And then there are those sensations in us that we call feelings. You say you ‘feel tired’, you ‘feel anxious’, you ‘feel let down’ etc. David teaches us to avoid the ‘f’ word and replace it with “choose to be”, “I think I am…”. Otherwise you identify with the feeling instead of taking responsibility for your responses to challenges. If you say to yourself “I feel tired”, you are enforcing this state of being, and if you say this all the time, you are creating this reality by reaffirming it constantly. Instead you could say “I choose to be tired”. Somehow the energy of this changes now, and you take responsibility for your response to whatever is happening.
Basically, David suggests to only have 2 states of being: “Green” or “Red”. Does it feel good (green) or not good (red). If you experience ‘Red’, you can now sit with this sensation and ask yourself ‘why’. Go deeper and deeper by always asking ‘why’, until you get to the root of the issue, which is the point in time when you first experienced this sensation (trauma). Find the belief behind the pain/feeling. When you’ve arrived at this point, offer yourself at least 3 choices on how to deal with it. It’s like being your own loving parent guiding you through this process. Once you have chosen how you would like to perceive what happened, you have freed yourself from its grip and can move on. While going through this process, confront the mind lovingly.
The things we tell ourselves all the time – “I’m not good enough”, “I can’t cope”, “I don’t deserve”. Would you tell these things to your child? Basically, if you wouldn’t tell your child, don’t tell them to yourself!
You are disconnected? You can’t be disconnected! You are the source, you are Love! You are weak? How can you be weak? How can the source be weak?
And one last jewel:
Please! Please, love yourself! Yes! You ARE loveable! How? How can you not be loveable? You ARE Love.
Don’t let the mind tell you any different! The mind has only one job: To keep you safe. It’s doing a brilliant job at that. It’s keeping you in your comfort zone. It is spirit (which is what we really are) that expands, grows, is adventurous, creates magic.
Yes, sometimes we get ourselves into a state in which we can’t be our own caring, loving parent. Just know that then you can be gently supported by someone else.
David James Lees – Thank you! Thank you for reminding me that I am worth it, capable, loveable, and that I will always be able to cope.
Please! Come! Back!
If you want more, please go to www.davidjameslees.com There is lots more available for us to learn.
Talk on 19th January 2016 at the Oxford YES Group meeting
Chris Walton sadly had to cancel last minute due to being taken to hospital. So my good friend Richard texted me and asked me if I was happy to give a talk. I had 2 hours! And I said ‘YES’. I did it without much preparation, trusting I was able to speak from the heart and connect with the audience, also knowing that I am competent in Mindfulness and Family (Systemic) Constellations. I had a fantastic experience of being in my power and received very positive feedback. Feeling grateful and blessed to have such a wonderful friend, community and lovely audience.
I talked about Mindfulness (some how-to’s below) and I facilitated a Family Constellation with a courageous volunteer, who wanted to have a closer/deeper look into an issue of hers. What we witnessed was very touching and moving, and I know that this has helped the lady see what the underlying issue was, as well as a possible solution. We did not have time to go all the way, but she got some valuable insight into her situation. It struck me how the audience engaged in the process, fully committed to support the ‘issue holder’.
So, here are some reminders to get through your day more mindfully and therefore be 100% available at all times:
I facilitate a weekly group in Abingdon. You can join here: Abingdon-Meditation-and-Mindfulness-Meetup
Family Constellations are a way of uncovering and changing dynamics that are not helpful, either in your family or at work/in relationships. In a constellation old family trauma can be carefully addressed and healed, in order that more love flows freely through the family system and opens up freedom for your life. It’s about cutting strings that are holding you back and getting greater awareness and understanding of why things are the way they are.
In my ‘Growth Space’ I once monthly facilitate small constellations (amongst other techniques) in order to find out how it works as well as to address issues and find solutions. This space is also creating community, support and friendship. You can sign up here: The Growth Space
I am Silvia and I offer clarity coaching, free talks on Emotional Well-being and Moving away from Pain and facilitate Systemic Constellation Workshops, as well giving as guidance and hosting sessions on Mindfulness and Meditation.
I was born in 1966 as the first of two children in Germany. I am a happy and content individual today with harmonious family, friend and business relationships. That was not always so. Here’s a little bit of my history:
My mother was quite young when she had me: 20 years old only. My only sibling, a brother, was born two years after me.
My mum is a dominant character and my father could suddenly be quite threatening and, being nagged enough, even become violent. I grew up with a lot of tension within my family and generally felt pressed into a mould. Often, I was not allowed to be myself and certainly missed being appreciated and loved unconditionally (I know I’m not an exception). Fear of punishment drove me to being a ‘good girl’ most of the time. I was often beaten and not allowed my own opinion. It was not all horrible, though. All in all, it was probably a good childhood. There were times when I was my mother’s best friend and we had a good laugh together, and I always loved my parents and brother to bits (and still do).
My outward relationship with my dad was ruled by my mum. She would always try to pull me onto her side in a conflict situation and tell me things about him that I didn’t want to know. If I took sides with my dad she would become hysterical. I always tried to be a mediator but not sure I ever succeeded.
I am a very sensitive, emotional and empathic, touchy-feely kind of person, which is all my parents and brother are not (on the outside). At the same time I have a strong will and am quite passionate, which got me into trouble loads of times.
Breaking free from childhood
From the age of 16 – becoming an opinionated teenager with some more guts – my relationship with my mother became more and more difficult. I wanted to break free as soon as I possibly could, which is why I finished school after what was called O-levels in the UK (or GCSEs these days), in order to learn a profession and be able to support myself. At that age I started smoking and missing college and surrounded myself with the more naughty kind of youngsters.
At 19 I passionately fell in love and shortly after left home to live in my first own appartment. I was in an apprenticeship as a legal secretary. My relationship with my mum relaxed a bit but ever so often we would clash and I would storm out and have no contact for a while.
Trauma / meeting father of 1st child
At 21 my first big love finished with me, and my world totally crashed. I lost every self confidence and started dating men. Very quickly I moved in with a man, but moved out after only half a year. Shortly after I fell for a man who later would become my worst enemy. I remember seeing all the signs right from the first date, but I closed my eyes to them. I just wanted to be loved.
1st daughter / separation from parents / re-connection with parents / separation from father of 1st child
At 24 I had a daughter with this man (we did not get married). At the time I had no contact with my parents, the father of my child wouldn’t allow it. My parents got to know their first grandchild when it was 8 months old. I re-connected with them after having had some counselling. When my first child was 1.5 years old its father reported me as a neglecting mother, which made me pack my bags and my child and move back in with my parents, who at that point owned a house with enough room for us.
Back at home, the old family patterns kicked in, and it was hell for me. After a very short time I found an appartment – and another relationship – both advertised in the same paper. I moved into that apartment for only half a year before I moved in with the new partner, being pregnant again.
First marriage, 2nd child
At 27 we married and had my second daughter, and for a little while I thought everything was good.
At 29, though, I separated from the father of my second child and in the same year let my first child move in with its dad. My self-confidence was non-existant at that point, and I did the only right thing: I went to a GP and had myself transfered to a mother-and-child psychological residential resort for three weeks (we call it ‘cure’ in Germany).
I think that was the beginning of reflection and self development for me, and – maybe for the first time in my life – I felt nourished, accepted, respected, cared for and listened to.
Shortly after that I got to know a body worker, who suggested to attend a self development seminar with Klaus Frey (New Ways Seminars, Baden-Baden, Germany, see: www.neuewege.de). After that first seminar, called ‘Initiative’, I quite quickly attended the second, which is called ‘Charisma’ and the third, called ‘Excellence’. Klaus Frey became my guide – I guess I saw a father figure in him. I started then a 1.5 year training called ‘Leadership and personal competence’ and became his assistant in the next training.
Separation from my first daughter
When my first daughter was nearly 8, she decided she didn’t want any contact with me anymore, and I eventually – under pressure – voluntarily gave up custody for her. She was brain-washed from an early age on by her father. She was not allowed to love me. I was the enemy.
Second marriage / separation / another new start
Around that time, at 32 I got to know my second husband through an online dating page and moved in with him quite quickly. We separated when I was about 36, and I moved into an apartment with my second daughter. At that point I had learnt a lot about myself, who I was and who I wanted to be, and I was becoming a therapist alongside working in admin.
During my training with Klaus Frey, I also trained with Regina Heckert, a tantra teacher and family constellation work facilitator, and with Joergen Moerck from Denmark, who tought me my special and unique body work, called ‘BE – The healing continuum of nature’, which derived from ‘Body Harmony‘ (founder: Don McFarland).
My life-changing visit to England
In 2013, when I was 37, I visited my old English friend, whom I got to know in Germany when our children went to Kindergarten together (that was in 1994). At the time, she was spending a lot of time with her brother, as they were both single and had three children each. We were introduced, fell in love; and a year later, in February 2005, I moved in with him in a village in Oxfordshire.
I came here as a Life Coach, wanting to establish Family Constellation Work in Oxfordshire. But life circumstances didn’t allow me to start this venture before late 2010.
I worked as an administrator, administrative assistant and PA, sourcing co-ordinator, sales-assistant and receptionist. Alongside my working in admin, I trained as a counsellor at the Oxford & Cherwell Valley College (OCVC).
Re-connection with my first child
In 2005 I re-connected with my daughter, fortunately she was ready to talk to me again – she was nearing 15. Since, we have re-established a strong bond between us, although she still has problems to let me be close to her. She studies at University in Germany.
3rd marriage / new life
In August 2008 I married my wonderful English man. I finally broke the pattern of being with a partner for only up to three years.
I now help individuals and couples to reach their highest potential.
I was attuned to Reiki, Level 2, in 2014.
I am now also a trained co-counsellor with CCI (Co-Counselling International) and am doing my counselling diploma.
My vision is supporting young people at a school or college as a school counsellor.