I’ve done it – I’ve gone bald for ABoB

Here is the evidence:

You can still donate here: http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/SilviaSiret

The night before I felt shaky and tearful, realising I’d lose my beautiful hair. I was visualising my looks and how people would stare at me, but I was also starting to grieve the loss of my hair. My husband soothed me and kept telling me how great I was going to look and feel. My sleep was full of dreams of hair shaving and things going wrong. But in the morning I felt calm and ready. Ben Cole, who is producing a film about A Band of Brothers, had interviewed me the night before, and he was filming me while the hair came off – that was all exciting. A few friends and family came to the event, which was so comforting and encouraging. Amanda Tracey (www.goddessliberation.com) did the shaving and the head mandala for me. The whole process took over an hour.

Here is the video about the mandala:

Later I gave another interview to Ben, and we wrapped it all up. I’ve been receiving a lot of support in every way, and I feel so grateful for it all. The day was so beautiful.

Today, the day after, I’ve unfortunately got a cold, but I do feel liberated and at ease with my baldness. I look odd, yes, the bald patch feels cold all the time, and the mandala is gone now, and where my hair was is now a white patch; but I’m happy I’ve done it. My hair has grown just under 1 mm already, and it feels quite rough, going over it with my hand. The strangest thing about it is that when I touch my head, it feels like I’m touching someone else’s. Very weird.

My husband has been the most amazing friend and companion to me. He even got his head shaved two days before me, just to show his support. Isn’t that sweet?

I am now looking forward to talking more about A Band of Brothers, and raising more awareness and money for them.  But I also look forward to having some hair back and starting the hair growth journey again. It’s strange when people stare at me, I’m getting all self-conscious, but I respond with a big smile and remember that it’s still me. I guess this chapter is not over, I’ll have to get through awkward situations and funny short hair in order to get to a point where I like it again. Maybe I’ll actually keep it short. It has its benefits.

My last year has been all about letting go, releasing and finding my true self as well as raising money and awareness for ABoB. It’s self healing, and it’s not easy. I’m shedding a lot of tears; but I also feel more and more whole. It is such a blessing to have my husband by my side, but also the full support of the rest of my family. My children and bonus children have been nothing but supportive and cheered me on. Fantastic! My close friends have also been amazing. It’s so important to have a support network. Without you guys I couldn’t have done this.

Thank you!

My first Vlog – “Constellations”

My brief explanation of the word “Constellations” and how it works

There will be more … I will explain in more detail how it works and how it can help. So, watch this space.

Namaste.

I belong

I would like to share with you how my way of working has transformedimg-20161029-wa0001

  • with observing other constellators
  • through receiving challenging feedback
  • by becoming a peer
  • and by becoming a member of the International Society of Systemic Constellations (ISCA).

When I came to the U.K. in the beginning of 2005, my intention was to become a full-time therapist. It took me 10 years to fulfil this dream and am now in my second year of self employment. In August 2015 I handed in my notice and dedicated my time fully to growing this business that is called “Silvia Siret – Clarity Coach”.  Around May 2015 I was invited to join a systemic constellators’ peer group in Oxfordshire my social networking had finally paid off. When I first met the others and saw them working, I was in awe of the variety of styles and competence that was in the room, I also felt very warmly welcome and accepted. This was a totally new experience for me, as I had never been part of a group of constellators before. It took me 3 or 4 meetings (that’s about half a year) before I dared to facilitate a constellation for a peer, and, boy was I nervous, but I did well. During the next few meetings I became more courageous and after facilitating one in July 2016 I had fully earned the respect of my fellow constellating friends. That felt so amazing – finally being part of a  professional community; and my loneliness in the constellations world had come to an end. As numbers were going down, we decided to end the peer group; and from then some of the eyes were on me to create a new group (more about that later).

What I also had started looking into is the “Intention Method”, a new branch of constellation-like facilitated work that was developed by Professor Franz Ruppert. I did this with the lovely Alexandra Smith (peer group member, UK), who offers regular workshops and teaches a great deal about trauma as well. I find this work interesting – a different approach, but using similar ‘tools’, and equally intuitive and individual as its facilitators. I haven’t quite worked out the fundamental difference between constellations and intention method. But I’m sure I will at one point, as I’m planning to learn more from Alex.

2015-05-24-14-55-53Through the peer group I found out about Yishai Gaster (Israel), whose workshop I attended in London. He demonstrated how to work with “Chaos” and “Deep History”, but I also got huge insight into working one-to-one with floor markers. On that weekend I met the lovely Anu Azrael (London) and Ivana Markovic (London).

2016-02-27-14-28-09-20Soon after Ivana invited me to a workshop weekend with Max and Alemka Dauskardt (Croatia) and I was witnessing those two amazing souls at work. This, by the way, was the weekend I found out about ISCA (of which Max is one of the board members) and became a member very soon after. I went to their International Gathering in Zagreb, Croatia, in September 2016. Again – a very warm welcome from about 60 to 80 fellow constellators over 5 days of workshops and meetings. 000img_6173I was one of them. That feeling … that I finally belonged, that was filling my whole being with excitement, warmth and comfort. I had the opportunity to observe internationally well known facilitators, like Cecilio Fernandez Regojo (Portu2016-10-26-12-06-10gal), Leslie Nipps (California), William L. Mannle (Connecticut), Anngwyn St Just (Arizona) and Marianne Franke-Gricksch (Germany). I can’t even put into words how much I learned from them and a few other fabulous people over those fantastic days in Zagreb. I made new connections, and I stayed in touch with some of them. Wonderful!

Just a weekend after I watched the fantastic Stephan Hausner (Germany, “Even if it costs me my Life”) in London, where I learned so much again and decided that he is a great role model (he works with people who present with physical or mental illness). I’ll attend another workshop with him in March this year, which I’m really looking forward to.

I had been facilitating workshops and one-to-one sessions between 2005 and 2015, during which I still mainly worked in Admin. But I had lacked learning from others than my early teacher, and work was not going well enough to support me financially. A client here, a workshop there, never enough feedback to really reflect. Now, with this new energy and sense of belonging, I started to attract a few regular clients and began to offer 1-day workshops fortnightly.

Since, I’ve been reflecting on 2 challenging feedbacks that I have received over the last 6 months. It’s hard to be challenged, but it’s also hugely rewarding as I really listened and put things into perspective. Both had one criticism in common: that I assumed something and didn’t check in with them and led their constellations in the direction I felt was right. As a constellations facilitator I work with my intuition; so, there is no measure that affirms why I should go this or another way. Only through constant rapport between me and the issue holder can I be sure to properly serve them. In the early days, when I learned the technique, I was very directive, and I followed my own ideas and looked more to what was emerging from ‘the field’. Now this has fundamentally changed, and I listen very closely to my clients and let them lead their own constellations. I do offer interventions and elements from Psychodrama and Gestalt, but only when I feel that the client (issue holder) is stuck in an unhelpful pattern or thinking process, or if they remember a trauma and get fearful and anxious.

Last but not least, during the last 1.5 years I’ve done so much constellation work, either actively or passively, that I feel I’ve gained more experience during this time period than in the hole 10 years before, which is just what I needed to kick-start me into the next venture: OxISC (The Oxford Initiative for Systemic Constellations), which I founded in order to bring together peers again and to offer developmental workshops for facilitators.

The first event under OxISC’s wing will be a 2 day workshop for facilitators with Anngwyn St Just on Trauma & Constellations on 1st and 2nd July this year. I’m very excited about her agreeing to teach us her wisdom and technique. So, these days I’m busy setting up the OxISC website and organising this event.

The feedback after my last workshop (19th Feb 2017) shows how much I have transformed (at least to me it does – haha), so here comes the shameless self-promotional bit:

“Silvia is very natural and supports the space with strength and safety. She has wonderful intuition and instinctively and seamlessly moves the issue holder through their process, whilst ensuring they always act and move forward from their own place. As an issue holder I gained incredible insight into what lies behind my issue and I am able now to address this and move forward with my life. I wholeheartedly recommend Silvia if you want to understand a difficult situation better and find a way of resolving or gaining a different , more helpful, empowering perspective.” (Linda, Nursery Nurse)

“What a wonderful experience! Didn’t know what to expect, but it was an amazing day. Full of Emotion, realisation, empathy, in such a supporting and warm atmosphere. My fellow ‘issue holders’ were so supportive in channelling their roles as we played out each issue. I feel exhausted but cleansed and ready to go. Thank you, Silvia!” (Donna)

“I’d like to thank Silvia for holding this workshop. I felt so supported and Silvia created a safe space so I could express myself fully. It’s difficult to put into words exactly what my experience was like; this is such profound work, so it’s something I recommend trying out for yourself. If you’re looking for a deeper understanding of yourself and your life, a divine connection with others and seeing your life or an issue from another perspective, then this workshop is for you!! I would highly recommend working with Silvia, she is a beautiful soul, caring, understanding, non-judgemental and humble. I feel huge shifts already happening within me from today and I can already feel the healing process taking place.” (Amanda, Reiki Practitioner and Artist)

This is beautiful feedback, and I do feel proud to have become this Facilitator who people trust and who is starting to make a name for herself.

I belong.

Namaste.

An Interview With Albrecht Mahr, International Family Constellations Teacher

Rubin Alaie posted this video on his Facebook Timeline (when you click the link below, the video starts playing):

https://www.facebook.com/plugins/video.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Finstituut.UNLP%2Fvideos%2Fvb.169228563184269%2F1171588252948290%2F%3Ftype%3D3&show_text=0&width=560

The original was posted here: https://www.facebook.com/instituut.UNLP/

Albrecht Mahr explains this approach, his experience with Family Constellations, the history and the development. He is one of the leading teachers in the Constellations World. It’s just over half an hour long and very interesting.

Blessings,
Silvia

 

A Flower Amongst Flowers

I did it again … I gave another talk. This was number 5. And – again – I loved it.

dasiesI have just recently become a member of the Healerzone (www.healerzone.com) and feel very excited about it, as now I feel I have found my place as a flower amongst flowers. There is an Oxfordshire branch, and I went to my first meeting in Banbury on 12th September, facilitated by the lovely and very supportive Sarah Sienkiewicz (Business Coach).
Without even thinking, I had put my name forward as a speaker and, even though I was very nervous and anxious, I was looking forward to the challenge. I had only given 4 talks so far and didn’t feel very confident at all, yet. Tina Wells (Tai Chi Chih Teacher) was so kind to give Vicky Rainbow (Singer, Nia Dance Teacher), Lottie Moore (Coach, Firewalk Teacher, Sweatlodge Keeper) and myself – the South Oxfordshire girls – a lift to Banbury. What a nice girly journey that was there and back 🙂 I felt more at ease already when we arrived.

We were welcomed very warmly by Sarah and the other ladies. The venue was a fitness centre – a bright room with a kitchen attached – very nice and friendly indeed. We sat in a circle, exchanged thoughts and experience and had lots of time to introduce ourselves as well as ask for anything we needed in terms of support. That was heart-warming. Such amazing, gifted women in the circle – wow!

Then it was my turn – I had only half an hour to introduce myself, tell a bit of my story and explain Systemic Constellations (https://silviasiret.com/what-are-systemic-constellations/); not really possible, I thought. But what shall I say, … I did it. And it felt amazing. I spoke without concept, just from my heart. I’ve taken another courageous step forward and the response and feedback was absolutely wonderful and positive. The group felt drawn to this therapeutic approach and wants to do a whole session with me. I feel THRILLED and soooo motivated.

You have no idea how much I needed this boost. I was about to find another boring admin job and surrender to fear instead of faith. It was not only that I gave a great talk, but I was also hearing what all the other healers and service providers had to say and to offer. What a great bunch! I feel so at home there and know that I will be supported all the way, but I also know that I have a great gift and will be able to help everyone who asks for it.
I also learned that giving workshop spaces away for free is unnecessary.

And g
uess what:  Thanks to my friend Lottie Moore, I’m taking part in a 30 day video challenge. In a closed, safe Facebook Group (Light It Up) I am submitting a video of myself to my sub-group every day for 30 days. Wow – that is so empowering! If you think you should do this too, you can still enroll here: http://www.facebook.com/groups/lightitupvideochallenge  – I’m happy to help.

So here I go, all fluffed up, encouraged, motivated and full of beans. Yesterday I’ve signed up for a Weekend Workshop in London with the amazing Stephan Hausner, who facilitates constellations for people with illness (his book: ‘Even if it costs me my life’). I know I will learn so much from him; so, this is an investment in my growth. The week before I’ll be in Zagreb, Croatia, for an international gathering of systemic constellators, an amazing opportunity to get to know other practitioners and their individual approaches; but also gives me the feeling of being part of a huge community – I am now one of THEM.

But before all this I’ll give a workshop on parenting this Friday (https://www.meetup.com/Systemic-Constellations-Oxford/) and then I’ll go on holiday to Cornwall for 2 weeks with my Beloved. I’ve never been, and I can’t wait to see its beauty.

Wishing you all the boost you need to get/keep going. Here and happy to help and give emotional support. You do need to let your community know if you are looking for support, though; don’t expect them to mind-read 😉

With love and a gratefulherz-rosagrun-gif

Mindfulness & Eating Disorder

Having an Eating Disorder is a lot of work. Outsiders might see it as there being a lack of feeding or an obsession with your body. There is actually a lot of feeding: feeding of negative emotions and toxic thought patterns that lead to self-harm with no vacation from this way of life. There is […]

via Mindfulness in destructive eating habits (Español incluido) — Purple Rain Nutrition

The Health Podcast

The Health Podcast was launched for one reason, and one reason only: To help people achieve optimum wellbeing! The episodes cover the 4 vital ingredients for complete health: nutrition, exercise, m…

Source: The Health Podcast

Wu Wei Wisdom

david james leesI wish I could have captured the atmosphere last night, when ordained Taoist Master David James Lees spoke to The Oxford YES Group. For me it was the second time to listen to him and receive jewels of wisdom, and – just like last time – I was mesmerised by the power of his words, the way he brings it across and his leadership. Yes, if you weren’t there, you did miss something very, very special. But because you’re here and you’re reading this, I’m going to give you the essence of his talk. Because I believe we should all listen to him and be reminded of the beautiful souls that we are, each one of us 7 Billion individuals on this planet.

He calls his message ‘wu wei wisdom’; and he speaks about yin and yang, as well as – and most importantly – the line between the two, which is the ‘Wu Wei’ – the path of balancing yin and yang within us.

I really hope I’m getting this right 😉

Anyway – So, here are some good tips for your well-being and mental hygiene:

First of all: Drop your shoulders!

Yes. That’s what he told us last night, and the whole room adjusted itself – haha! Drop your shoulders and …. RELAX! Take the tension out of your body, balance your head effortlessly on your neck! And then remind yourself that you are spirit. Spirit that has a physical experience. Everyone has their own journey. Our essence is spirit (‘Shen’ is the Taoist word for ‘Spirit’ or ‘Higher Self’). Spirit could also be translated with Love. We are Love, we came from Love and we’ll go back to Love.

And then there are those sensations in us that we call feelings. You say you ‘feel tired’, you ‘feel anxious’, you ‘feel let down’ etc. David teaches us to avoid the ‘f’ word and replace it with “choose to be”, “I think I am…”. Otherwise you identify with the feeling instead of taking responsibility for your responses to challenges. If you say to yourself “I feel tired”, you are enforcing this state of being, and if you say this all the time, you are creating this reality by reaffirming it constantly. Instead you could say “I choose to be tired”. Somehow the energy of this changes now, and you take responsibility for your response to whatever is happening.

Basically, David suggests to only have 2 states of being: “Green” or “Red”. Does it feel good (green) or not good (red). If you experience ‘Red’, you can now sit with this sensation and ask yourself ‘why’. Go deeper and deeper by always asking ‘why’, until you get to the root of the issue, which is the point in time when you first experienced this sensation (trauma). Find the belief behind the pain/feeling. When you’ve arrived at this point, offer yourself at least 3 choices on how to deal with it. It’s like being your own loving parent guiding you through this process. Once you have chosen how you would like to perceive what happened, you have freed yourself from its grip and can move on. While going through this process, confront the mind lovingly.

The things we tell ourselves all the time – “I’m not good enough”, “I can’t cope”, “I don’t deserve”. Would you tell these things to your child? Basically, if you wouldn’t tell your child, don’t tell them to yourself!

You are disconnected? You can’t be disconnected! You are the source, you are Love! You are weak? How can you be weak? How can the source be weak?

And one last jewel:

Please! Please, love yourself! Yes! You ARE loveable! How? How can you not be loveable? You ARE Love.

Don’t let the mind tell you any different! The mind has only one job: To keep you safe. It’s doing a brilliant job at that. It’s keeping you in your comfort zone. It is spirit (which is what we really are) that expands, grows, is adventurous, creates magic.

Yes, sometimes we get ourselves into a state in which we can’t be our own caring, loving parent. Just know that then you can be gently supported by someone else.

David James Lees – Thank you! Thank you for reminding me that I am worth it, capable, loveable, and that I will always be able to cope.

Please! Come! Back!

If you want more, please go to www.davidjameslees.com There is lots more available for us to learn.

Leap of faith

Talk on 19th January 2016 at the Oxford YES Group meeting

Chris Walton sadly had to cancel last minute due to being taken to hospital. So my good friend Richard texted me and asked me if I was happy to give a talk. I had 2 hours! And I said ‘YES’. I did it without much preparation, trusting I was able to speak from the heart and connect with the audience, also knowing that I am competent in Mindfulness and Family (Systemic) Constellations. I had a fantastic experience of being in my power and received very positive feedback. Feeling grateful and blessed to have such a wonderful friend, community and lovely audience.

I talked about Mindfulness (some how-to’s below) and I facilitated a Family Constellation with a courageous volunteer, who wanted to have a closer/deeper look into an issue of hers. What we witnessed was very touching and moving, and I know that this has helped the lady see what the underlying issue was, as well as a possible solution. We did not have time to go all the way, but she got some valuable insight into her situation. It struck me how the audience engaged in the process, fully committed to support the ‘issue holder’.

So, here are some reminders to get through your day more mindfully and therefore be 100% available at all times:

  • When you open your eyes in the morning, think a positive thought, e.g. what you are grateful for in your life and tell yourself that this day will be a good one because you decide so. Get up in a different way you normally do.
  • When you wash, brush your teeth and do your hair, drink your tea/coffee, eat your breakfast, make everything a sensual experience, using smell, taste, touch, vision and hearing. Stay in the moment and push away any thoughts that are distracting; usually thoughts of the past or the future.
  • On your way to work, take another route, if possible and/or drive more slowly and attentively, give way to pedestrians, cyclists and drivers now and then. Smile at people, look at them. Maybe even say something like “what a lovely day!” to someone. Arrive at work with a smile, infect others with your positivity.
  • At work, allow yourself to breathe consciously at first and then several times during the day. Take breaks! Speak to colleagues! Avoid gossiping at any cost. Engage fully with your job, break it down to small steps rather than getting overwhelmed with the work load.
  • When you take your lunch break (which you definitely should do), either engage with other colleagues (have fun) or walk and find a spot that gives you tranquillity to recharge your batteries. Breaks are not there to engage your eyes and brain even more by looking into your emails/FB etc. They are for you to relax!
  • When you’re back home, take care of yourself. Make sure you’re aware how you are and what you need. Ask for things/help/support/chat/quality time!
  • The most important thing in order to be aware of your own and others’ needs is to be fully available. Mindfulness helps to balance your life in all aspects.

I facilitate a weekly group in Abingdon. You can join here: Abingdon-Meditation-and-Mindfulness-Meetup

Facilitation of a Constellation

Facilitation of a Constellation

Family Constellations are a way of uncovering and changing dynamics that are not helpful, either in your family or at work/in relationships. In a constellation old family trauma can be carefully addressed and healed, in order that more love flows freely through the family system and opens up freedom for your life. It’s about cutting strings that are holding you back and getting greater awareness and understanding of why things are the way they are.

In my ‘Growth Space’ I once monthly facilitate small constellations (amongst other techniques) in order to find out how it works as well as to address issues and find solutions. This space is also creating community, support and friendship. You can sign up here: The Growth Space